Although I'm not sure how to put it into words, last night I was thinking that I feel like I've been living my life on hold so to speak. For a long time actually, but especially the last 5 years. I know that change is a part of life and even if things seem solid, life has a way of shaking things up. Even considering that, though, it seems like so much of my life is or has been in limbo. Were Cory and Tyler going to be and are J and L going to be my sons forever? Where and what is the right teaching job for me? Will we be staying here in the house we're in or will we be moving? I'd just like to feel some sense of permanence in our lives. A sense of general well being, with no big changes looming on the horizon. The unknowns (especially related to the boys' foster care cases)in our life, for some reason I can't quite put my finger on, make it harder for me to let the joys of our day to day life reach as deep as they should.
I wish I knew what to do about that, to find a way to truly just be in the here and now. I told myself last night that I need to start doing that but I'm not sure where to start. I don't want to let a moment of the boys' lives slip away without really enjoying it in the worry about what might happen. I suppose it starts with a choice so here's to living in the moment!