Today's prompt asks for the happiest moment of your life. Oh my smurf! How do you quantify that and pick only one moment?
I think most mothers would probably pick the birth(s) of their child(ren). Similarly, many people might expect that the days that the boys' adoptions were finalized might be mine. I can't say that, though. I was happy, most certainly. I wanted to be their mother so very much. But the joy of that day was tempered because while I gained that day, they lost. And no matter what the situations were, four sets of parents lost. Add to that that the finalizations were, because of the situations in foster care, the end of several years of stress for everyone. I guess it felt more like relief mixed with happiness.
Looking back, I just wouldn't pick one happiest moment. The happiest momentS for me? Are those silly, peaceful, loving moments with the boys that can happen at any time and are too numerous to count.
Showing posts with label musings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label musings. Show all posts
Friday, November 18, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Growing Up
Today's prompt: What is the moment you leave childhood and enter adulthood?
I think this is a hard question because obviously we mature in steps, not in the course of one moment or event. The ways in which we react to these events are what prove if we are children or adults. Even if you WERE going to narrow it down to a single moment, how would you do that? Not everyone experiences the same events at the same time in their lives. Duh. A sixteen year old girl whose parents have died might become an adult in the course of dealing with that event. Does that mean that someone who is 40 and whose parents are still living is NOT an adult? Of course not. And what about graduating, getting married, having children? See the difficulty there?
Finally...I'd just like to say that I am a 40 year old mom to 4 kids and there are days I'm not sure I'm an adult yet! I still have my share of "Holy crow! I'm the mom!" moments lol.
I think this is a hard question because obviously we mature in steps, not in the course of one moment or event. The ways in which we react to these events are what prove if we are children or adults. Even if you WERE going to narrow it down to a single moment, how would you do that? Not everyone experiences the same events at the same time in their lives. Duh. A sixteen year old girl whose parents have died might become an adult in the course of dealing with that event. Does that mean that someone who is 40 and whose parents are still living is NOT an adult? Of course not. And what about graduating, getting married, having children? See the difficulty there?
Finally...I'd just like to say that I am a 40 year old mom to 4 kids and there are days I'm not sure I'm an adult yet! I still have my share of "Holy crow! I'm the mom!" moments lol.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Thank You!
I just want to take today to thank all the veterans for all they've done for me and this great country of ours!
Happy Veteran's Day:
Mom
Dad
Grandpa C
Grandpa K
Uncles C
Uncles K
Kimmi
Cory (my cousin)
Victor (cyber nephew)
Each and every service man and woman...past or presently serving!
Thanks! I owe you my life and my freedom!
Happy Veteran's Day:
Mom
Dad
Grandpa C
Grandpa K
Uncles C
Uncles K
Kimmi
Cory (my cousin)
Victor (cyber nephew)
Each and every service man and woman...past or presently serving!
Thanks! I owe you my life and my freedom!
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Thirty in One
I've seen lots of people doing "thirty days of thanks" but I didn't get started earlier so I thought I'd just list 30 things I'm grateful for.
So, I'm thankful for...
1. God.
2. My sons.
3. My parents.
4. My brother, sister, and their spouses.
5. My other close family members.
6. My friends.
7. My furbabies.
8. My home (dumpy as it is).
9. Having enough to eat. Well, food in general. I love to eat!
10. Music
11. The health of my loved ones.
12. My computer.
13. The internet.
14. Coffee.
15. Chocolate.
16. For living where the older boys can walk to and from school and sports practices.
17. Football (It's fun but mainly? It brings me closer to my sons)
18. Books.
19. Answered prayers.
20. My bed.
21. The wonderful memories I have of growing up and my sons' childhoods.
22. Laughter.
23. Fresh air.
24. The stars.
25. My car.
26. Lilacs and irises.
27. Lightening bugs.
28. Hot tubs.
29. Hugs.
30. T.V. lol.
So, I'm thankful for...
1. God.
2. My sons.
3. My parents.
4. My brother, sister, and their spouses.
5. My other close family members.
6. My friends.
7. My furbabies.
8. My home (dumpy as it is).
9. Having enough to eat. Well, food in general. I love to eat!
10. Music
11. The health of my loved ones.
12. My computer.
13. The internet.
14. Coffee.
15. Chocolate.
16. For living where the older boys can walk to and from school and sports practices.
17. Football (It's fun but mainly? It brings me closer to my sons)
18. Books.
19. Answered prayers.
20. My bed.
21. The wonderful memories I have of growing up and my sons' childhoods.
22. Laughter.
23. Fresh air.
24. The stars.
25. My car.
26. Lilacs and irises.
27. Lightening bugs.
28. Hot tubs.
29. Hugs.
30. T.V. lol.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Random Sunday Musings
Here's a random list of things about today:
I spent around 2 hours trying to fix our clippers so I could give the boys haircuts.
I threw out our clippers.
I gave all four of the boys haircuts with new clippers.
We went to the indoor pool. I needed the hot tub!
I made homemade mac and cheese. I don't think I make good mac and cheese but the boys love it. All of them. They request it. How can I argue with that?
At 8 pm at night, four haircuts does not seem like that much to have accomplished in a day. Especially when the house is now a mess. Sigh.
Sometimes? Two cups of coffee just isn't enough.
I am exhausted. Is it really only 8 pm?
I spent around 2 hours trying to fix our clippers so I could give the boys haircuts.
I threw out our clippers.
I gave all four of the boys haircuts with new clippers.
We went to the indoor pool. I needed the hot tub!
I made homemade mac and cheese. I don't think I make good mac and cheese but the boys love it. All of them. They request it. How can I argue with that?
At 8 pm at night, four haircuts does not seem like that much to have accomplished in a day. Especially when the house is now a mess. Sigh.
Sometimes? Two cups of coffee just isn't enough.
I am exhausted. Is it really only 8 pm?
Monday, July 5, 2010
Happy Fourth and A Note
I hope you all had a happy, safe holiday weekend. We certainly did. The boys were well behaved all day, the weather was nice, and the fireworks were fun. We had snacks, sparklers, and a great place to watch from. I DID forget to take my camera. Bummer lol. Anyway, it was a really great night.
Now. A quick note about my prolonged bloggy absence. I started posts several times but they never made it to "post." There was one that did but I deleted it within a short period of time because it seemed too pity party and attention-seeking. Not that it wasn't true, just...I don't know. Suffice it to say that from about March through early June things were NOT so good. Some of it was dealing with the boys' behaviors but probably more was me. Their behaviors weren't new. We were in a "mega backslide" but it wasn't anything I hadn't seen before. It's just that after 3 years of dealing with those issues, I was anxious and aroused myself. Feel free to add in a healthy dose of depression and exhaustion from those same years of having children with sleep issues. In other words, they DON'T. Sleep that is. So I don't. Anyway, I was just NOT in a good place. I've never gone too much into detail about the boys' behaviors and it seemed like that was my life. Everything, no matter how big or small, was the straw that broke my back. I didn't know, and I'm still not really sure about this, how much I wanted to share. It made writing hard.
At any rate, things are currently better. I'm still exhausted but not quite as much as before. Behaviors are leveling out for the time being. The summer so far has been mostly rejuvenating, for all of us. My anxiety is much more under control. I have a handle on it now. I guess I tend towards being an anxious person anyway but the last few years with so much out of my control, mainly the court case and the boys' behaviors, saw it grow to a proportion I have never before had to deal with. Anyway, I am dedicating this summer to as much fun and healing (physically and emotionally) as we can get!
Now. A quick note about my prolonged bloggy absence. I started posts several times but they never made it to "post." There was one that did but I deleted it within a short period of time because it seemed too pity party and attention-seeking. Not that it wasn't true, just...I don't know. Suffice it to say that from about March through early June things were NOT so good. Some of it was dealing with the boys' behaviors but probably more was me. Their behaviors weren't new. We were in a "mega backslide" but it wasn't anything I hadn't seen before. It's just that after 3 years of dealing with those issues, I was anxious and aroused myself. Feel free to add in a healthy dose of depression and exhaustion from those same years of having children with sleep issues. In other words, they DON'T. Sleep that is. So I don't. Anyway, I was just NOT in a good place. I've never gone too much into detail about the boys' behaviors and it seemed like that was my life. Everything, no matter how big or small, was the straw that broke my back. I didn't know, and I'm still not really sure about this, how much I wanted to share. It made writing hard.
At any rate, things are currently better. I'm still exhausted but not quite as much as before. Behaviors are leveling out for the time being. The summer so far has been mostly rejuvenating, for all of us. My anxiety is much more under control. I have a handle on it now. I guess I tend towards being an anxious person anyway but the last few years with so much out of my control, mainly the court case and the boys' behaviors, saw it grow to a proportion I have never before had to deal with. Anyway, I am dedicating this summer to as much fun and healing (physically and emotionally) as we can get!
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Entitlement Part 2
There's a few things I'd like to add now on the topic, being calmer and have given some more thought on the issue.
Babies are NOT possessions to be fought over. It makes me sick when this happens, especially because some of the ones doing the most and the nastiest "fighting" are the very ones who are complaining that adoptive parents treat them as possessions that can be bought and sold. I have to include myself in this fighting to a point as I have sometimes (ahem...as in last night for one) given in to the insults and had my say. The best I can say about my behavior at these times is that it's always been defensive. Ya, I know. "You started it" is a poor excuse. I admit that.
What the mothers of loss who do this "on the offensive" need to understand is that their anger is more often misdirected than not. What do they hope to gain by insulting the general population of adoptive parents? They were insulted? Well, I'm sorry but I wasn't the one hurling those insults. Does it change the past to spew back the insults now? Do they really feel better? If so, WHY? It makes them no better than the people who treated them that way. They were called birthmothers and worse so now call us adopters? They were insulted when people told them the pregnancy was their fault so now infertility is automatically ours?
A couple of notes here. I am not judging anyone's choice to have sex before marriage. Most people do. If they were not treated with compassion while facing the consequences of that choice I am sorry. For me, though, it's a fact that every person who makes a choice has to deal with whatever might come next because of it. That's why teens shouldn't have sex in my opinion. This too isn't a judgement. It's an opinion based on the fact that most are not ready to deal with the potential consequences of it. Sex is for adults because it has potential adult consequences. Simple as that.
Anyway, now that I have that out of of my system I'll finish my thoughts on entitlement. Having a baby is a priviledge, not a right, for ANY parent. It makes no difference how you got to be a parent. No one is entitled to a baby. It happens that people who become parents through both conception and adoption sometimes get the priviledge of parenting without deserving it. Unless a "good parent detector" is invented that's not going to change. THOSE are the people who shouldn't get to be parents. I guess I could sum it up like this: good people who are or would be good parents deserve the chance to be parents.
Babies are NOT possessions to be fought over. It makes me sick when this happens, especially because some of the ones doing the most and the nastiest "fighting" are the very ones who are complaining that adoptive parents treat them as possessions that can be bought and sold. I have to include myself in this fighting to a point as I have sometimes (ahem...as in last night for one) given in to the insults and had my say. The best I can say about my behavior at these times is that it's always been defensive. Ya, I know. "You started it" is a poor excuse. I admit that.
What the mothers of loss who do this "on the offensive" need to understand is that their anger is more often misdirected than not. What do they hope to gain by insulting the general population of adoptive parents? They were insulted? Well, I'm sorry but I wasn't the one hurling those insults. Does it change the past to spew back the insults now? Do they really feel better? If so, WHY? It makes them no better than the people who treated them that way. They were called birthmothers and worse so now call us adopters? They were insulted when people told them the pregnancy was their fault so now infertility is automatically ours?
A couple of notes here. I am not judging anyone's choice to have sex before marriage. Most people do. If they were not treated with compassion while facing the consequences of that choice I am sorry. For me, though, it's a fact that every person who makes a choice has to deal with whatever might come next because of it. That's why teens shouldn't have sex in my opinion. This too isn't a judgement. It's an opinion based on the fact that most are not ready to deal with the potential consequences of it. Sex is for adults because it has potential adult consequences. Simple as that.
Anyway, now that I have that out of of my system I'll finish my thoughts on entitlement. Having a baby is a priviledge, not a right, for ANY parent. It makes no difference how you got to be a parent. No one is entitled to a baby. It happens that people who become parents through both conception and adoption sometimes get the priviledge of parenting without deserving it. Unless a "good parent detector" is invented that's not going to change. THOSE are the people who shouldn't get to be parents. I guess I could sum it up like this: good people who are or would be good parents deserve the chance to be parents.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Entitlement
Some people may not like this post. I don't care. I think I normally have a fairly progresssive and realsitic point of view about adoption but sometimes something just ticks me off and I have to vent about it. That's where I'm at. Please, bear it in mind while reading.
I've seen more entitlement talk around adoption blogs. It seems to crop up fairly regularly. Please note, I'd like to say AGAIN that I never felt entitled to a child but I am a good mother and deserve to be one as much as anyone else does.
The thing that makes me the angriest is when I'm told that I don't dseserve to be a mother because my infertility is my fault. First of all, it's not. It's a genetic issue no one had any control of. I've seen the primary causes of infertility cited and sure some of them are life choices. But you know what? So is having sex. So let's look at this a moment. There are several genetic and environmental causes of infertility that are NOT caused by a choice. There is only one, yes ONE, cause of pregnancy that is not a lifestyle choice. That obvioulsly is rape. When you compare the percentages of pregnancies caused by rape to the percentages of people who are infertile through no fault of their own, which do YOU want to bet is higher?
I'm sick of being told that infertility does not entitle anyone to a baby. It's not that I think it does. It's just that you know what? Neither does being being able to get pregnant.
I've seen more entitlement talk around adoption blogs. It seems to crop up fairly regularly. Please note, I'd like to say AGAIN that I never felt entitled to a child but I am a good mother and deserve to be one as much as anyone else does.
The thing that makes me the angriest is when I'm told that I don't dseserve to be a mother because my infertility is my fault. First of all, it's not. It's a genetic issue no one had any control of. I've seen the primary causes of infertility cited and sure some of them are life choices. But you know what? So is having sex. So let's look at this a moment. There are several genetic and environmental causes of infertility that are NOT caused by a choice. There is only one, yes ONE, cause of pregnancy that is not a lifestyle choice. That obvioulsly is rape. When you compare the percentages of pregnancies caused by rape to the percentages of people who are infertile through no fault of their own, which do YOU want to bet is higher?
I'm sick of being told that infertility does not entitle anyone to a baby. It's not that I think it does. It's just that you know what? Neither does being being able to get pregnant.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Life Lesson
Here's something I wish everyone knew, respected, and lived.
There are bad, evil people in every walk of life. No one group is exempt from that fact. If you base your opinions of groups on the few bad members of said groups, it logically follows that you simply will never find ANY group of people acceptable to you. So don't do it!!!!!!!!
There are bad, evil people in every walk of life. No one group is exempt from that fact. If you base your opinions of groups on the few bad members of said groups, it logically follows that you simply will never find ANY group of people acceptable to you. So don't do it!!!!!!!!
Friday, November 27, 2009
Off
The last few days I've been a little "off." I'm not quite sure why, though I know that money issues and a missing atm/credit card are probably at least part of it. Maybe it's just that with the boys home more due to Thanksgiving vacation I'm having trouble finding time to pray and work out my problems with Him.
Whatever it is I do know how blessed I am. With the exception of finances (and basics are met so I shouldn't complain) things are going really well right now. Jay has had very little in the way of behaviors lately. For a week now there's been nothing but typical kid misbehavior, and extremely little of that. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop to a point but mainly just working hard to enjoy it while I can. I know there'll likely be backsliding but I am really hoping we're making true progress all the same.
Oh well. Nothing much to do except make sure I get some time with God and maybe a little more sleep. This too shall pass and before I know it I'll be back "on."
Whatever it is I do know how blessed I am. With the exception of finances (and basics are met so I shouldn't complain) things are going really well right now. Jay has had very little in the way of behaviors lately. For a week now there's been nothing but typical kid misbehavior, and extremely little of that. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop to a point but mainly just working hard to enjoy it while I can. I know there'll likely be backsliding but I am really hoping we're making true progress all the same.
Oh well. Nothing much to do except make sure I get some time with God and maybe a little more sleep. This too shall pass and before I know it I'll be back "on."
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Deja Vu
For some reason the end of 2008 feels no different than the end of 2007. Not much has changed...at this point I still don't have a job and the boys' case hasn't been settled. Both of these things will likely be resolved soon. I have 2 prospects job-wise, one is a pretty sure thing and one is a long term sub position I'm applying for. As far as the case goes everything that can be done on either side seems to have been done. It'll be 2 years in Febuary so the judge is going to HAVE to decide soon. This next court hearing, most likely late January or early February, should see some answers in that arena. Right now I'm pretty stressed about it all the time. I KNOW they can't go home because I've heard first hand the torture they endured there but coming from me doesn't help the court case as my credibility has been called into question by their family.
I don't feel like I accomplished much in 08. It went by in a blur and left few changes to make me take notice. There are SOME good things of course. Looking back I'm proud of my parenting overall. I've helped J and L over some major hurdles and we continue to work on others. I'm proud of the young men Cory and Ty are becoming and that's in a large part due to me. There were some great times that I'll remember and cherish forever...our vacation and a wonderful Christmas and New Year's Eve to name a few. And of course I'm blessed beyond measure by my boys, my family, and my friends. Ah well...bring on 2009 LOL.
To all of you...May 2009 be a healthy, peaceful, joyous, and prosperous year!
I don't feel like I accomplished much in 08. It went by in a blur and left few changes to make me take notice. There are SOME good things of course. Looking back I'm proud of my parenting overall. I've helped J and L over some major hurdles and we continue to work on others. I'm proud of the young men Cory and Ty are becoming and that's in a large part due to me. There were some great times that I'll remember and cherish forever...our vacation and a wonderful Christmas and New Year's Eve to name a few. And of course I'm blessed beyond measure by my boys, my family, and my friends. Ah well...bring on 2009 LOL.
To all of you...May 2009 be a healthy, peaceful, joyous, and prosperous year!
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Mini Me's???
I have yet another adoption bone to pick, so to speak. I haven't seen this complaint recently but I've seen it often enough in the past and it's always bugged me. What is it? That adoptive parents expect carbon copies of themselves in their kids. So...of course their children don't feel free to be who they are, which of course is automatically different than the parents because there's no genetic link. Yeah, right. I think that is completely ridiculous! There is no guarantee of having a child that looks or acts like you, likes the same things as you, or has the same talents as you even if he or she IS your biological child. I would not expect that of ANY child of mine. Any parent who would...well, imo that's just bad parenting.
All four of the boys have some similarities to me. Tyler is very particular about things just like me (ok, ok...we probably both have OCD. But just a little lol.) I had to laugh on our first Christmas together. He set up the nativity set and SO proudly asked, "Did I do a good job? It looks just like it does on the box." Sure enough it did lol and that was SO something I would've done, especially as a kid. I use each boys' talents and interests that match mine to strengthen our relationships. For example Cory loves to cook as much as I do so he often helps me in the kitchen and we have fun and a lot of great talks then. Jay is my little bookworm so we read together and talk about books a lot. But don't all good parents do that? Spend time with their kids doing what they both enjoy doing?
On the flip side I also accept and enjoy my boys for who they are, including their differences. Cory and Ty love rap music for example. It's probably the one genre of music I can't get into. At all. Ah, but do I tell them they can't listen to it? Nope. It's hard becuase so much of rap is inappropriate for kids but as long as the song isn't violent or explicit I'm ok with it. Ty's taste in clothes is NOTHING like mine. It's totally West Coast choppers, flames, and the like. I don't buy him, or any of the boys for that matter, clothes they don't pick out. I have the last word in appropriateness of course but it's all clothes they have chosen. So yeah I let them express themselves. And I spend time doing things they like that I may not, like watching football with Ty. I don't pick the sports they play or clubs they join. They tell me when they're interested and if it's possible they join. I HATE the cold but every year I go watch the boys ski. But again isn't that what a good parent does? Encourage their kids in what they're good at and enjoy even if the parents aren't or don't?
When I began the process of fostering and adopting I never signed on for a carbon copy of myself. Never expected it. I just assumed that we'd be alike in some ways, different in others. A relationship like I have with my mom and dad...enjoying our similarities but respecting our differences, and know what? Enjoying them too.
All four of the boys have some similarities to me. Tyler is very particular about things just like me (ok, ok...we probably both have OCD. But just a little lol.) I had to laugh on our first Christmas together. He set up the nativity set and SO proudly asked, "Did I do a good job? It looks just like it does on the box." Sure enough it did lol and that was SO something I would've done, especially as a kid. I use each boys' talents and interests that match mine to strengthen our relationships. For example Cory loves to cook as much as I do so he often helps me in the kitchen and we have fun and a lot of great talks then. Jay is my little bookworm so we read together and talk about books a lot. But don't all good parents do that? Spend time with their kids doing what they both enjoy doing?
On the flip side I also accept and enjoy my boys for who they are, including their differences. Cory and Ty love rap music for example. It's probably the one genre of music I can't get into. At all. Ah, but do I tell them they can't listen to it? Nope. It's hard becuase so much of rap is inappropriate for kids but as long as the song isn't violent or explicit I'm ok with it. Ty's taste in clothes is NOTHING like mine. It's totally West Coast choppers, flames, and the like. I don't buy him, or any of the boys for that matter, clothes they don't pick out. I have the last word in appropriateness of course but it's all clothes they have chosen. So yeah I let them express themselves. And I spend time doing things they like that I may not, like watching football with Ty. I don't pick the sports they play or clubs they join. They tell me when they're interested and if it's possible they join. I HATE the cold but every year I go watch the boys ski. But again isn't that what a good parent does? Encourage their kids in what they're good at and enjoy even if the parents aren't or don't?
When I began the process of fostering and adopting I never signed on for a carbon copy of myself. Never expected it. I just assumed that we'd be alike in some ways, different in others. A relationship like I have with my mom and dad...enjoying our similarities but respecting our differences, and know what? Enjoying them too.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
In the Moment
Although I'm not sure how to put it into words, last night I was thinking that I feel like I've been living my life on hold so to speak. For a long time actually, but especially the last 5 years. I know that change is a part of life and even if things seem solid, life has a way of shaking things up. Even considering that, though, it seems like so much of my life is or has been in limbo. Were Cory and Tyler going to be and are J and L going to be my sons forever? Where and what is the right teaching job for me? Will we be staying here in the house we're in or will we be moving? I'd just like to feel some sense of permanence in our lives. A sense of general well being, with no big changes looming on the horizon. The unknowns (especially related to the boys' foster care cases)in our life, for some reason I can't quite put my finger on, make it harder for me to let the joys of our day to day life reach as deep as they should.
I wish I knew what to do about that, to find a way to truly just be in the here and now. I told myself last night that I need to start doing that but I'm not sure where to start. I don't want to let a moment of the boys' lives slip away without really enjoying it in the worry about what might happen. I suppose it starts with a choice so here's to living in the moment!
I wish I knew what to do about that, to find a way to truly just be in the here and now. I told myself last night that I need to start doing that but I'm not sure where to start. I don't want to let a moment of the boys' lives slip away without really enjoying it in the worry about what might happen. I suppose it starts with a choice so here's to living in the moment!
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