I Love You, J

J,

I can't believe you're 8 now. It seems like yesterday that you walked into our lives and into my heart. I'll never forget that first night (How could I? You remind me often lol) when you were so quiet and shy and you wouldn't even eat dinner. Pizza. YOU.

It's hard watching you work so hard to put your past behind you but I'm glad you're doing it. I'm so proud of you! I hope that if I'm allowed to try I can be the mom you need to help you through this. You may not trust in this yet but I'll be here for as long as I can, forever if I have my way.

My hope for you is that some day when you look into the mirror you see what the people who love you see and NOT what your past has taught you to see. You are so smart and creative. It's always in the stories you write and the machines you build with your toys. You are considerate and appreciate the things people do for you. Not many kids would care enough to thank their mom for bringing their back pack to school when they forgot it. You show your kindness and generosity every day, whether you're helping me with chores, bringing Cory his cup, or sharing your gum.

Thank you for being my son! May your 8th year be your best ever and your life get happier and more blessed each year after!

Sad but True

This was sent to me in an email from a friend. It hit home so I thought I'd pass it on, even though a lot of people who read my blog will have gotten it from that same friend. I have a post in mind but need time to think it out about J's birthday (which was Thursday).

Obituary for "Common Sense"

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend,
Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how
old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red
tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such
valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the
rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and maybe it
was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies
(don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not
children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when
well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a
6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens
suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired
for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers
for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining
their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to
get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student;
but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to
have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became
businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar
in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a
woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a
little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death,

by his parents, Truth and Trust

his wife, Discretion

his daughter, Responsibility

his son, Reason

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;

I Know My Rights

I Want It Now

Someone Else Is To Blame

I'm A Victim

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he
was gone.

The Lawrenson Family

If you don't already know them (so many people have been touched by their story) I'd like to introduce you to Nate, Tricia, and Gwyneth. Nate blogs the story of their family with amazing faith, grace, and humor. Tricia has cystic fibrosis. In January she gave birth to Gwyneth and a short few months later underwent a double lung transplant. Gwyneth is a double miracle in that Tricia got pregnant with her right as they were giving up hope of a baby (Tricia was about to be activated on the transplant list and risked her own life to give Gwyneth hers) and also in that she is doing fantastically considering she was born very prematurely.

I'm posting this today to ask for prayers and good thoughts for Tricia. She was diagnosed with a form of cancer common to transplant patients shortly after the surgery. The cancer didn't respond well to the intital round of treatment so she will begin a more agressive round now. If the cancer doesn't respond to it Tricia is in trouble. So, please, if you pray please send some up for Tricia and her family!

I'm not sure I can put into words what sharing their journey through Nate's blog (you can also click on Confessions of a CF Husband in my blog list) has meant to me. It's something you have to be open to and experience for yourself I think. Please consider checking it out!

Memories

I saw this on my friend Camille's blog. Thought it looked like fun. Now watch no one will comment lol.

1. As a comment on my blog, leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember!


2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually pretty funny to see the responses.

A Brief Review (The Name of the Wind)

You might not know it if you missed the few posts I've written regarding books or reading, but reading is a passion of mine. It runs in the family, so much so that my brother owns a bookstore. Lol you already know that if you've read this. On top of owning a bookstore my brother also writes book reviews for the local paper. So, yes, he reads...A LOT. He recently recommended a book, The Name of the Wind, to me. I wasn't sure about it but he was persistant and I finally gave in. I didn't regret it! He reviewed it on his review blog The author, Patrick Rothfuss, has garnered copious amounts of praise for it, his first book, and it's been likened to the Lord of the Rings. Yes, it's fantasy. But guess what? I can't of course promise that you'll like it but I DO promise you don't have to be a fan of fantasy to. It's sad sometimes, hysterically funny at others, and so well written it was just a fast, easy read.

Just a quick note~this is Book One of a three book series known as the King Killer Chronicles.

That's My Boy

To lighten the mood after my previous post I thought I'd share some shining examples of J's sense of humor. It's one of my favorite things about him and his is similar to my family's rather dry, wacky sense of humor.

Post "deer hit:"
1. As we pulled into the yard on Saturday he excitedly noticed a deer in the yard, as usual. This time though he shouted a friendly warning, "Run for your life! She's a deer killer!"

2. We went to the movies Sunday with my sister and her dh. J and Ty rode with them to the theater and Cory, L, and I rode in our car. As we pull into the parking spot on their passenger side (where J was getting out of the car) he quips, "Don't hit us! We're not deer and we come in peace!" and falls to the ground laughing.

Tonight, as we were discussing the destruction of the mattress protector (thin plastic liner) on his bed:
Me: You NEED to make your bed. If you don't you'll finish shredding your mattress pad. It won't be comfy sleeping on plastic anyway.
J: It's not MY fault it's ripped.
Me (with brow arched): Then whose is it?
J (in a sweet, sure tone of voice with a wicked sweet smile and glint in his eyes): God's.

Doe, A Deer....

This is posted a few days after the fact. It happened Friday as we headed out to the fireworks. One minute I was driving and there was nothing there, the next minute it was too late.

We're all fine. No one was injured at all except the poor deer. The car runs so it all could've been worse. Still....kwim? I'm working on getting stuff fixed. We'll see how it goes.

To top it off a friend of mine was in an accident on the same day as well. She and her family are fine, thank God.

"You've Been Flocked"

Our town has one of the best fundraisers I've ever seen going on right now. It's called "Flock or be Flocked." The local theater group is doing it to raise money for their Relay For Life team (cancer). There's a huge flock of plastic pink flamingos and you can pay (donate $$$ to the American Cancer Society) to send them to someone's yard for the day. If there isn't much yard they have flower pots they put them in. You can also pay BEFORE you get flocked to buy "flocking insurance" (so you can't BE flocked) lol. The boys and I have really enjoyed it since they started it and nearly every day we drive around to see who got "flocked." SOOOO....we decided to "flock" Uncle Kevin at his bookstore lol.

Up on My Adoption Soapbox (Again)

Something I read today on an adoption forum I frequent prompted some thoughts that I feel the need to get out. Before I continue I would like to emphasize again that my experiences with adoption have been in regard to older child adoption through foster care. I believe that domestic, newborn adoption is a very valid (though currently also very corrupt) option for some expecting parents. I also believe that those parents should not ever be pressured into making a decision in ANY direction. The decision should only be made by the parent(s), hopefully in an environment of honest support (as in we'll get you through this time NO MATTER which road you choose). Having clarified that I'll go on with what this post is really about...the foster care system.

A friend of mine is working with a young girl currently in foster care. As part of her job she has become aware of some of this young lady's home situation and it's not good. She honestly believes in keeping the family together whenever possible but wonders where that line should be drawn. I've been real close to this dilemma lately because of the situation with J and L and some things that went on with the case. I really feel that families should be kept together as much as possible but I still feel that the interests of the children should come before the family (which really most often reads as the adults in the family). The adults don't need protecting but the children in these situations do. As I mentioned before this pertains only to parents in the foster care system. An expectant parent who is considering placing a child for adoption for whatever reason DOES deserve and need the protection, support, and resources to make any decisions about their options.

It infuriates me that in these cases the children pay the price of preserving the family at all costs. At what point do we say the family is not worth the cost of a child languishing in care for far too long or returning to an unsafe situation? I'll admit I don't know the answer to this, at least in part because I'm too close to this problem. I honestly know that J and L can NOT go home because I believe the things they've told me and I know the history there (which extends far beyond even just the 2 of them). Can these parents really change? How many chances to seriously mess up and with how many children should these people get? How long should parents get to work out their problems while their children wait, wonder, and worry in care? When is enough enough already?

Like I said before I don't have the answers. I wish I did for the children's sake (and yes for the family's sake). What I'd like to see is all the help possible provided to these parents so that they can keep their family together. The only reason for removal of children should be that the resources provided do not alleviate the problems OR if the situation is so problematic that the child(ren)'s safety is not assured. Oh wait! This IS what's supposed to happen and when it works it's wonderful. The glitch in this policy is this: there are parents who can't or won't use the resources to honestly change. I think if it gets to the point (for either reason I mentioned) that children need to be removed, the parents should have to work hard and fast to prove that they can safely parent these children. 12 months or more seems too long in my opinion, especially when considering that most of these families have been offered services that could keep their family together for quite some time BEFORE the kids were removed. If the parents can't successfully learn to parent with those supports before the children are removed they shouldn't have much time after. They should have some time, yes, because actually realizing how close they are to losing their kids can force them to get it together. I think though that if that's going to happen it'll show relatively quickly in the parents' actions and cooperation.

What about severe cases? "Aggravated circumstances" cover what counts as reasons to remove children and not have to work with the family to reunify. The problem? I've seen first hand where this is totally ignored and children suffer for it. It's supposed to protect the children in dire situations but how can it do that if it's not used because people are trying to maintain family? Some people might argue with the use of "aggravated circumstances," citing "preserve the family at all costs" as a basis for that stance. Preserving the family is a very admirable and necessary goal but as I've said before I disagree with that mantra when it's the children paying the price. My stand on this issue is that if parents have gotten to the point where the conditions for "aggravated circumstances" are met, they probably don't deserve more time anyway. I say probably to acknowledge that there are exceptions to this (but believe they are probably few and far between).

There is a price that the children in foster care pay no matter what happens (issues from time spent in care even if they return to a good situation, returning to a bad situation, or issues from losing the parents forever even if it was the best choice among horrid options). It's time adults stop using the all holy family as a blanket defense to avoid the consequences of THEIR actions that put the children in the situation in the first place. It's time to put the kids, not family, first. The family is not a living person, children are. THEY are what matters. Yes it's important to consider the pain and issues that arise from losing family but only by looking at what is best for the children in each whole situation can we say whether that family should be preserved.