Head's up: This post is going to be quite the vent I think. Life with the case, and with J especially, has been stressful lately. The whys of that have led me to a very hurt and angry place right now. You're going to see both those things if you read on. And because I can't get TOO detailed about J or the case (or especially the CPS)the anger will out more.
I'm hurt and broken hearted right now. J has been displaying some unsafe and destructive behaviors as a result of his past. It's been pretty much on-going but has been getting worse recently. Some of you don't know this but the judge recently ordered visits be resumed with J and L's family but ONLY with L. (This is what I mentioned in a previouos post that might cause backsliding.) And it seems it has. These things might mean he can't stay here anymore. It's that serious and that close to the edge. He might NEVER be able to overcome the obstacles these issues and behaviors are causing him. I am so scared for what lies ahead for him and devastated to think of losing him because of this.
I'm going to go into a bit of detail here to make what I think is a very important point. J's problems are due to abuse he suffered at the hands of his family. It started with his parents and when they were done they passed him around until he ended in his grandfather's care for almost 3 years. Where he was TORTURED on a regular basis during that time. Given this I don't ever want to be told that adoption is not an option again. That there aren't some times when it IS the best choice. I'm sick of it. He stayed with his family for 6 years and look what it got him. Do you think he gives a rat's arse that they look like him, walk like him, have this talent or that like him? The kind of people they are he'd have been better off not knowing.
I know that there are parents and adoptees out there who will bring up the fact that he might have been abused in an adoptive home too. Some would intimate or even come out and say that foster or adovitve parents are MORE likely to abuse. For all I've read that nonsense on some blogs I have never seen one statistic to back it up. As my friend Kathy has said...people are people and no matter how you come to a family they aren't going to be perfect. Foster/adoptive parents are no different that way. In this case, though, his parents knew their own limits and what options they had among family (apparently none). So...the family is always best argument is DONE. FINISHED. THE END.
Another thing I'm tired of hearing is that God doesn't want us "Infertiles" to have children and that's why we can't. Really? That's the best ya got? The way I see it if only the people that were supposed to have children could there would be no need for adoption or abortion because there would be no abuse, neglect, or unwanted children. Every child would be born into a family who was willing and able to parent him or her.
I guess I'm ranted out but just let me say that I don't believe that parents who place are going to abuse their children if they don't. I already said I don't think either type of parent is more prone to that. The whole point I was trying to make is that adoption IS necessary. In a perfect world it wouldn't be. In an almost perfect world only those parents who should NOT have children would place them (and that would never be to abusive parents.) Anyway, that adoption is necessary is FACT. Those negatively affected by it can deny it til they're blue in the face but there it is...pure and simple.