Saturday, April 26, 2008

A Pre-emptive Apology/Explanation

I welcome anyone who finds this blog to read it and take from it what they will. I don't expect it to be controversial but I do want to say something about the adoption aspect of my writings. When I refer to my sons' adoptions, in particular their other families, please keep in mind at all times that they were adopted through fostercare and when I post about the adoptions I am posting from that slant and that slant only. I do NOT mean anything I say regarding the openness of the boys' adoptions or their families to be generalized to all adoptions and families, especially domestic infant adoptions. And for the I deal with my sons' adoptions is no reflection on my opinions on the merit of open adoption or other families except my sons'.

Here is an overview of each of the boys' adoptions.

Cory's parents' rights had already been terminated before I met him, as I mentioned before. The judge ordered no contact at the time of tpr, though. I do know that. And I do know some of what he went through before coming into care. He will not be seeing his parent's until he is over the age of 18. At that time I've promised to help him look for them if he wants to and in return he's promised to go to counseling before to get as prepared as possible. He does have a 19 yr old brother that I have fought like heck to get in touch with. We've sent letters, cards, and pictures. Cory has called numerous times. D has been very inconsistant in communication, claiming he doesn't have a single picture to send Cory and having never written once. D has called a few times and speaks to Cory when he calls D. I KNOW he's young and it's a difficult and emotional situation but I hate that it hurts Cory. We'll continue to try, though.

Tyler does not see his dad. He has told everyone he is through with him and never wants to see him again. Even the basics that I now know about the man leave me no doubt that it's for the best. Should Ty change his mind as an adult, I will do what I can to support him in finding him and dealing with what comes of it. We still see A, Ty's mom. A lot. We meet for dinner, we meet at the park, and she sees him around all major holidays and his bday. She has a dd now, just over 2 yrs old, and it's important for them to know each other too I think. A made her mistakes but she isn't a bad person so I try hard to make it work. And you know what? It does, for the most part.

J and L won't be seeing C and M, their family, as children again if the case ends in tpr as it should and I adopt them (that's the unofficial plan as of now). Actually, I wouldn't be surprized if the judge ORDERS no contact in their case as well. When they turn 18...I don't know. Luckily I have some time to process that.

Well....there are my boys' adoptions in a nutshell. Please remember what I said when I began this post (after all, it's WHY I wrote this post) as you read.

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