I finally got a hold of the boys' cw today. I updated her about some things she needed to know and we talked a bit. She said her supervisor was planning on having a special meeting with the lawyers about this case. I'm not sure what that means for the case really. I DO know that the cw WANTS tpr. She told me she wants to go to court with everything she can get, which may mean continuing the case. UGH! But I guess I understand. SO it may be a week or two longer. She also told me that the child prep person has been notified. This is the person who comes in and does a life book with the boys and tries to help them understand what's happening (what tpr and adoption are). This is good news because it's a strong indication that they want and expect tpr to happen. The same lady worked with us when we were preparing to finalize Cory and Tyler. Lol it made me feel good that the cw mentioned that L (the child prep lady) was excited to work with me again.
In everyday news...J was touchy at times but no rages and was mainly his really happy, joyful self. And I got my first ever nice patio set. On sale AND delivered the same day lol. You'd have thought it was Christmas with how excited the boys were lol. They were watching out the window for the delivery truck and "supervised" the unloading.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Good Morning to Me!
Today was an exhausting roller coaster ride. For the first time ever J had a rage in the morning. I don't know why it never crossed my mind that this could happen but it took my breath away for sure. It lasted about 1.5 hrs. and so obviously he was late to school. I wasn't totally sure about sending him so I waited extra as well. I just don't know how one person can go from screaming and sobbing things like "I hate you!" and "You're a big fat ..." back to his usual self at the drop of a hat. As a matter of fact that same boy came home tonight and has been so loving, affectionate, and even a bit clingy. I think he's desperate to see if I still love him after. After the rages are over and I can react calmly I just hurt for him so much.
The rages are hard but sometimes I HATE my reaction so much worse than anything J says or does. The one thing I'll grant myself is that I have never said anything I shouldn't. What I do regret is yelling what I do say. I know that it doesn't help (in fact it escalates it) and that I'll be furious with myself after but my heart runs away with my mouth (and my lungs) during. Sometimes, like last night, I can be calm and I'm proud. Why can't I just do that all the time? Why should my baby boy go through more than he already has because I can't keep my cool?
To continue the ride I got news from the boys' lawyer, otherwise known as the GAL (guardian ad litem). The next court date is already scheduled for May 22. The team meeting to discuss the case will be next Wednesday. The GAL is ready to go for tpr but she sounded very cautious. I hope it isn't because she's worried about getting it. I don't know what the county will be asking for and won't until after the team meeting. That means late next week or early the week after. The caution in her tone and the delay in finding out what the county wants from the hearing (the meeting was supposed to happen tomorrow but has been rescheduled) were slight downers but I'm excited to know there is a court date and that SHE will be supporting tpr.
The rages are hard but sometimes I HATE my reaction so much worse than anything J says or does. The one thing I'll grant myself is that I have never said anything I shouldn't. What I do regret is yelling what I do say. I know that it doesn't help (in fact it escalates it) and that I'll be furious with myself after but my heart runs away with my mouth (and my lungs) during. Sometimes, like last night, I can be calm and I'm proud. Why can't I just do that all the time? Why should my baby boy go through more than he already has because I can't keep my cool?
To continue the ride I got news from the boys' lawyer, otherwise known as the GAL (guardian ad litem). The next court date is already scheduled for May 22. The team meeting to discuss the case will be next Wednesday. The GAL is ready to go for tpr but she sounded very cautious. I hope it isn't because she's worried about getting it. I don't know what the county will be asking for and won't until after the team meeting. That means late next week or early the week after. The caution in her tone and the delay in finding out what the county wants from the hearing (the meeting was supposed to happen tomorrow but has been rescheduled) were slight downers but I'm excited to know there is a court date and that SHE will be supporting tpr.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Good Reads
As I mentioned in About Me, one of my great passions is reading. I LOVE to read, although I don't have as much time for it as I used to.
What kinds of books do I like? Mysteries/action (especially if they have humorous twists) are probably my favorite. I like the Alphabet Series by Sue Grafton, the Stephanie Plum Numbers Series, Patricia Cornwell (esp. the Kay Scarpetta books), and Harold Coban to name a few. Oh! I also like Lilian Jackson Braun's the Cat Who Books.
There have been 2 sets of books I've read that have been life changing for me. I don't know why or how to explain it better. I can't put in to words how they changed it, or even how I'm different. I just know that I am. Dorky???? Admittedly lol. Anyway, if you've never read the Harry Potter Series or the Twilight Series (by Stephanie Meyer) you might want to! Maybe they won't change your life but I haven't met anyone yet who didn't at least enjoy them!
A friend has recently recommended the Big Stone Gap Series by Adriana Trigiani. I got them at the library today. I'll let you know what I think.
What kinds of books do I like? Mysteries/action (especially if they have humorous twists) are probably my favorite. I like the Alphabet Series by Sue Grafton, the Stephanie Plum Numbers Series, Patricia Cornwell (esp. the Kay Scarpetta books), and Harold Coban to name a few. Oh! I also like Lilian Jackson Braun's the Cat Who Books.
There have been 2 sets of books I've read that have been life changing for me. I don't know why or how to explain it better. I can't put in to words how they changed it, or even how I'm different. I just know that I am. Dorky???? Admittedly lol. Anyway, if you've never read the Harry Potter Series or the Twilight Series (by Stephanie Meyer) you might want to! Maybe they won't change your life but I haven't met anyone yet who didn't at least enjoy them!
A friend has recently recommended the Big Stone Gap Series by Adriana Trigiani. I got them at the library today. I'll let you know what I think.
A Pre-emptive Apology/Explanation
I welcome anyone who finds this blog to read it and take from it what they will. I don't expect it to be controversial but I do want to say something about the adoption aspect of my writings. When I refer to my sons' adoptions, in particular their other families, please keep in mind at all times that they were adopted through fostercare and when I post about the adoptions I am posting from that slant and that slant only. I do NOT mean anything I say regarding the openness of the boys' adoptions or their families to be generalized to all adoptions and families, especially domestic infant adoptions. And for the record....how I deal with my sons' adoptions is no reflection on my opinions on the merit of open adoption or other families except my sons'.
Here is an overview of each of the boys' adoptions.
Cory's parents' rights had already been terminated before I met him, as I mentioned before. The judge ordered no contact at the time of tpr, though. I do know that. And I do know some of what he went through before coming into care. He will not be seeing his parent's until he is over the age of 18. At that time I've promised to help him look for them if he wants to and in return he's promised to go to counseling before to get as prepared as possible. He does have a 19 yr old brother that I have fought like heck to get in touch with. We've sent letters, cards, and pictures. Cory has called numerous times. D has been very inconsistant in communication, claiming he doesn't have a single picture to send Cory and having never written once. D has called a few times and speaks to Cory when he calls D. I KNOW he's young and it's a difficult and emotional situation but I hate that it hurts Cory. We'll continue to try, though.
Tyler does not see his dad. He has told everyone he is through with him and never wants to see him again. Even the basics that I now know about the man leave me no doubt that it's for the best. Should Ty change his mind as an adult, I will do what I can to support him in finding him and dealing with what comes of it. We still see A, Ty's mom. A lot. We meet for dinner, we meet at the park, and she sees him around all major holidays and his bday. She has a dd now, just over 2 yrs old, and it's important for them to know each other too I think. A made her mistakes but she isn't a bad person so I try hard to make it work. And you know what? It does, for the most part.
J and L won't be seeing C and M, their family, as children again if the case ends in tpr as it should and I adopt them (that's the unofficial plan as of now). Actually, I wouldn't be surprized if the judge ORDERS no contact in their case as well. When they turn 18...I don't know. Luckily I have some time to process that.
Well....there are my boys' adoptions in a nutshell. Please remember what I said when I began this post (after all, it's WHY I wrote this post) as you read.
Here is an overview of each of the boys' adoptions.
Cory's parents' rights had already been terminated before I met him, as I mentioned before. The judge ordered no contact at the time of tpr, though. I do know that. And I do know some of what he went through before coming into care. He will not be seeing his parent's until he is over the age of 18. At that time I've promised to help him look for them if he wants to and in return he's promised to go to counseling before to get as prepared as possible. He does have a 19 yr old brother that I have fought like heck to get in touch with. We've sent letters, cards, and pictures. Cory has called numerous times. D has been very inconsistant in communication, claiming he doesn't have a single picture to send Cory and having never written once. D has called a few times and speaks to Cory when he calls D. I KNOW he's young and it's a difficult and emotional situation but I hate that it hurts Cory. We'll continue to try, though.
Tyler does not see his dad. He has told everyone he is through with him and never wants to see him again. Even the basics that I now know about the man leave me no doubt that it's for the best. Should Ty change his mind as an adult, I will do what I can to support him in finding him and dealing with what comes of it. We still see A, Ty's mom. A lot. We meet for dinner, we meet at the park, and she sees him around all major holidays and his bday. She has a dd now, just over 2 yrs old, and it's important for them to know each other too I think. A made her mistakes but she isn't a bad person so I try hard to make it work. And you know what? It does, for the most part.
J and L won't be seeing C and M, their family, as children again if the case ends in tpr as it should and I adopt them (that's the unofficial plan as of now). Actually, I wouldn't be surprized if the judge ORDERS no contact in their case as well. When they turn 18...I don't know. Luckily I have some time to process that.
Well....there are my boys' adoptions in a nutshell. Please remember what I said when I began this post (after all, it's WHY I wrote this post) as you read.
Friday, April 25, 2008
One Word
One Word
You.
Can.
Only.
Type.
One.
Word.
Not as easy as you might think!
1. Where is your cell phone? car
2. Your significant other? none
3. Your hair? dark
4. Your mother? love
5. Your father? strong
6. Your favorite thing? family
7. Your dream last night? none
8. Your favorite drink? iced tea
9. Your dream/goal? job
10. The room you're in? office
11. Your ex? laughter
12. Your fear? money
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? employed
14. Where were you last night? home
15. What you're not? sleepy
16. Muffins? Carrot
17. One of your wish list items? minivan
18. Where you grew up? cowtown
19. The last thing you did? kissed (the boys goodnight)
20. What are you wearing? shorts
21. Your TV? addiction
22. Your pets? cats
23. Your computer? love-hate
24. Your life? blessed
25. Your mood? mellow
26. Missing someone? Lee
27. Your car? Subaru
28. Something you're not wearing? socks
29. Favorite Store? GoodWill
30. Your summer? fun
31. Like someone? friends
32. Your favorite color? green
33. When is the last time you laughed? today
34. Do you cry alot? sporadically
35. Who would/will repost this? unknown
You.
Can.
Only.
Type.
One.
Word.
Not as easy as you might think!
1. Where is your cell phone? car
2. Your significant other? none
3. Your hair? dark
4. Your mother? love
5. Your father? strong
6. Your favorite thing? family
7. Your dream last night? none
8. Your favorite drink? iced tea
9. Your dream/goal? job
10. The room you're in? office
11. Your ex? laughter
12. Your fear? money
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? employed
14. Where were you last night? home
15. What you're not? sleepy
16. Muffins? Carrot
17. One of your wish list items? minivan
18. Where you grew up? cowtown
19. The last thing you did? kissed (the boys goodnight)
20. What are you wearing? shorts
21. Your TV? addiction
22. Your pets? cats
23. Your computer? love-hate
24. Your life? blessed
25. Your mood? mellow
26. Missing someone? Lee
27. Your car? Subaru
28. Something you're not wearing? socks
29. Favorite Store? GoodWill
30. Your summer? fun
31. Like someone? friends
32. Your favorite color? green
33. When is the last time you laughed? today
34. Do you cry alot? sporadically
35. Who would/will repost this? unknown
Our Story Part 2
In late September 04 I got a call about Cory, a 9 yr old boy they needed respite care for. Would I take him for the weekend? I wasn't interested in respite AT ALL. So why did I say yes? I'm not sure. I think God did it lol. His parents had already lost their rights so after I met him and fell in love lol I called his caseworker and set up weekend visits with the idea of possibly adopting him. It didn't get that far. There was a shake up in the fc in our area and they called and asked if I would take him as a fc placement immediately. It was an uphill battle for him, though, actually. But it was made final, along with Ty, on Dec. 8th 2005. Woohoo! I had my boys.
In June of 06 we moved to a bigger home from our apt. and I began to "get the urge." Lol. So after much soul searching and praying, I reactivated our fc status. In Feb. of 07 J and L came to live with us. I knew from the beginning that their situation was serious and they shouldn't, and probably wouldn't, go home. It's been a hard year because I've dealt with the consequences of visits gone bad and past trauma. So worth it though, don't get me wrong. We're all just ready for it to be over!
I should mention that we have other members of our family though lol. Our 3 cats are: Abby (the perfect princess), Noah (aka No-no the Naughty), and Sparky (Fatboy).
In June of 06 we moved to a bigger home from our apt. and I began to "get the urge." Lol. So after much soul searching and praying, I reactivated our fc status. In Feb. of 07 J and L came to live with us. I knew from the beginning that their situation was serious and they shouldn't, and probably wouldn't, go home. It's been a hard year because I've dealt with the consequences of visits gone bad and past trauma. So worth it though, don't get me wrong. We're all just ready for it to be over!
I should mention that we have other members of our family though lol. Our 3 cats are: Abby (the perfect princess), Noah (aka No-no the Naughty), and Sparky (Fatboy).
Our Story
I've known since I was a young teen that having kids would mean adopting. I figured that I'd get married and we'd do domestic infant adoptions. Well, I never met "the one." I came close once. If I had to I guess I'd even say I'm still in love with him. The timing was wrong though and it just wasn't meant to be. I decided at 32 that if I waited for a man to come along I might never have kids so I started researching my options. I decided that adopting through foster care was the best option for me. I started the process and was approved (and on edge lol) in October 03.
In late January I got a call through the county for adoption. Of a newborn. Unheard of! Due in early Feb. Weeks of waiting lead to the call to go get some basics and get prepared! Then...NOTHING. Finally a call. It wasn't going to happen. I didn't have time to be depressed, though! On Feb 26th I got a call. Would I take a 6 year old for fostercare? He'd be going home but please would I be willing? I said yes and Tyler Scott came into my life. I loved him from the start. After 12 months of trying to reunify, the goal was changed to tpr and adoption. On Dec 08 05 it was made official!
See the next post for part 2!
In late January I got a call through the county for adoption. Of a newborn. Unheard of! Due in early Feb. Weeks of waiting lead to the call to go get some basics and get prepared! Then...NOTHING. Finally a call. It wasn't going to happen. I didn't have time to be depressed, though! On Feb 26th I got a call. Would I take a 6 year old for fostercare? He'd be going home but please would I be willing? I said yes and Tyler Scott came into my life. I loved him from the start. After 12 months of trying to reunify, the goal was changed to tpr and adoption. On Dec 08 05 it was made official!
See the next post for part 2!
Introduction
I'm not really sure what I'll post about lol. My life is kinda crazy as a single mom to 4 but it's not anything most others would be interested in. The most interesting stuff would be about the case for J and L, my foster sons. They've been with me for 14 months now. I'm limited in what I should post though. Which is a shame cuz some days I need a place to vent about the process. It's been a long, hard road in their case. It SHOULD be coming to an end soon, thankfully. At 15 months they are supposed to terminate parental rights. So sometime at the end of May it SHOULD be over. Should be but not for sure. So we wait.
Aside from worrying about the case and dealing with the fallout of past family issues (1/2 hr to 3 hr tantrums, wetting, attachment issues, etc.), we're really just your typical family.
Aside from worrying about the case and dealing with the fallout of past family issues (1/2 hr to 3 hr tantrums, wetting, attachment issues, etc.), we're really just your typical family.
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