Christmas Present....Before and After

Ty had asked me several times if he could dye his hair black. I gave him permission (and the dye) for Christmas. Here he is before and after lol.

Merry Christmas

It's a day late I know but I hope you all had as good a Christmas as we did. The boys loved their presents and were really good, both at dinner Christmas Eve at my parents and here on Christmas when I hosted a turkey dinner for my parents, brother, his gf, sister, and BIL. All in all...it was probably my most favorite Christmas ever!

Whatever you did for Christmas...I hope you had a joyous and wonderful time!!!!

Have You...

This seemed interesting so I thought I'd do it.

PUT THE THINGS YOU'VE DONE IN BOLD.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/Disney World
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
27. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing/repelling
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted/sketched
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (fish count, right?)
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day
101. Fallen in Love

As usual anyone who wants to can do this!

Christmas Tag

I saw this on a friend's blog so I thought I'd do it.

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Both but mainly wrapping paper

2. Real tree or Artificial? Real

3. When do you put up the tree? About a week before Christmas

4. When do you take the tree down? Jan 1st or 2nd

5. Do you like eggnog? I love it!

6. Favorite gift received as a child? I can't remember getting a gift I didn't like lol. My favorite was probably a specially made doll bed my parents got me.

7. Hardest person to buy for? My parents. When they want something they just buy it. And they never really even WANT anything enough that they buy it.

8. Do you have a nativity scene? Yep!

9. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail. Who emails Christmas cards???

10. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? I think I've liked everything. I'm easy to please and the people who know me well enough to get something for me know what I like.

11. Favorite Christmas Movie? A Christmas Story or Polar Express

12. When do you start shopping for Christmas? Usually early November but I sometimes pick stuff up throughout the year.

13. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? No

14. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? I can't pick one thing! Christmas cookies, fudge, chocolate covered cherries....

15. Lights on the tree? Colored

16. Favorite Christmas song? O Holy Night

17. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Now that I'm back in my hometown we go visit Grandparents and all but don't travel.

18. Can you name all of Santa's reindeers? Yes

19. Angel on the tree top or a star? Angel

20. Open the presents Christmas Eve or Christmas day? one on Christmas Eve (usually new jammies) and the rest on Christmas

21. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? Grumpy people

22. Favorite ornament theme or color? no theme...lots of kiddo made ornaments though

23. Favorite for Christmas dinner? Turkey or ham dinner

24. What do you want for Christmas this year? to have my boys be satisfied with what Santa and I can do this year LOL and for a real present maybe a new chair for the living room

25. Favorite thing you look forward to doing every year? All of it!

Tag

My friend Kathy tagged me for this...go to your 4th picture file and post your 4th picture in it!

This is Ty in the pool at a motel we stayed at for a get away last winter.

I tag anyone who wants to do it.

A Rant

Head's up: This post is going to be quite the vent I think. Life with the case, and with J especially, has been stressful lately. The whys of that have led me to a very hurt and angry place right now. You're going to see both those things if you read on. And because I can't get TOO detailed about J or the case (or especially the CPS)the anger will out more.

I'm hurt and broken hearted right now. J has been displaying some unsafe and destructive behaviors as a result of his past. It's been pretty much on-going but has been getting worse recently. Some of you don't know this but the judge recently ordered visits be resumed with J and L's family but ONLY with L. (This is what I mentioned in a previouos post that might cause backsliding.) And it seems it has. These things might mean he can't stay here anymore. It's that serious and that close to the edge. He might NEVER be able to overcome the obstacles these issues and behaviors are causing him. I am so scared for what lies ahead for him and devastated to think of losing him because of this.

I'm going to go into a bit of detail here to make what I think is a very important point. J's problems are due to abuse he suffered at the hands of his family. It started with his parents and when they were done they passed him around until he ended in his grandfather's care for almost 3 years. Where he was TORTURED on a regular basis during that time. Given this I don't ever want to be told that adoption is not an option again. That there aren't some times when it IS the best choice. I'm sick of it. He stayed with his family for 6 years and look what it got him. Do you think he gives a rat's arse that they look like him, walk like him, have this talent or that like him? The kind of people they are he'd have been better off not knowing.

I know that there are parents and adoptees out there who will bring up the fact that he might have been abused in an adoptive home too. Some would intimate or even come out and say that foster or adovitve parents are MORE likely to abuse. For all I've read that nonsense on some blogs I have never seen one statistic to back it up. As my friend Kathy has said...people are people and no matter how you come to a family they aren't going to be perfect. Foster/adoptive parents are no different that way. In this case, though, his parents knew their own limits and what options they had among family (apparently none). So...the family is always best argument is DONE. FINISHED. THE END.

Another thing I'm tired of hearing is that God doesn't want us "Infertiles" to have children and that's why we can't. Really? That's the best ya got? The way I see it if only the people that were supposed to have children could there would be no need for adoption or abortion because there would be no abuse, neglect, or unwanted children. Every child would be born into a family who was willing and able to parent him or her.

I guess I'm ranted out but just let me say that I don't believe that parents who place are going to abuse their children if they don't. I already said I don't think either type of parent is more prone to that. The whole point I was trying to make is that adoption IS necessary. In a perfect world it wouldn't be. In an almost perfect world only those parents who should NOT have children would place them (and that would never be to abusive parents.) Anyway, that adoption is necessary is FACT. Those negatively affected by it can deny it til they're blue in the face but there it is...pure and simple.

Steps to Manhood

Cory took one last night that was more like a leap than a step. Aside from moving up to Middle School this might be the most noticeable step to maturity he's taken. He shaved! It started 2 nights ago when he said to me, "Mom, I hate my mustache. Can I PLEEEASE shave it?" I really couldn't say no to that so yesterday I bought him shaving cream and a disposable razor. He let me give him tips but wouldn't let me take any pictures lol. He proudly allowed Ty to watch too.

All of this lead to the following conversation this morning.

Cory (to J and L): "You guys didn't even notice I shaved last night."

J: "Let me see." Pause. "Oh yeah! Now I see. It's all red and bumpy."

My Babies

Happy Thanksgiving

Some things in my life are really hard right now. Still...I am SO grateful for what I have!

I hope you all had a happy, healthy day full of great food and good times with the important people in your lives!

Yum!

My friend Kathy asked about favorite Thanksgiving side dishes. I LOVE a turkey dinner and mainly for the sides lol. I LOVE good mashed potatoes, squash, sweet potatoes, green bean casserole, and stuffing. I'm not sure I could pick just one thing lol. If I HAD to I guess it'd be the mashed potatoes or stuffing.

What I don't eat at a turkey diinner is the turkey. I like it yeah but I can take it or leave it. And, really, it's better as leftovers anyway...mmmmmmm turkey sandwiches with mayo or hot turkey sandwiches.

Boy am I glad tomorrow is Thanksgiving! ;)

Great News...Tricia Lawrenson Update

I was reading Nate's blog tonight and it appears the doctors now think all of Tricia's lymphoma is gone and the spots they thought were the cancer are an infection that she is being treated for. I am beyond thrilled for them! It's so hard to look at this wonderful family and not see the miracles God has worked in their lives! Thanks so much to those of you who prayed or sent good thoughts their way. Please continue if you would...the infection needs to be cleared up and Nate is now sick (a cold) and isolated from her but tonight I'm just grateful for the blessing of answered prayers!

Please click the link to CF Husband to read his blog for yourself if you're interested!

Vitamin Zero

We went to watch Kung Fu Panda at my sister's house recently. She had dinner for us...pizza, carrots and celery, and cake and ice cream. We were talking about nutritous foods and L asked if ice cream was good for you. The following is a pretty good approximation of the converstion that followed:

me: "No, ice cream isn't good for you."

Aunt Val: "Well, it does have some good stuff like calcium in it."

J (with his ever sarcastic wit): "Oh yeah! It's just full of vitamin ZERO!"

Mini Me's???

I have yet another adoption bone to pick, so to speak. I haven't seen this complaint recently but I've seen it often enough in the past and it's always bugged me. What is it? That adoptive parents expect carbon copies of themselves in their kids. So...of course their children don't feel free to be who they are, which of course is automatically different than the parents because there's no genetic link. Yeah, right. I think that is completely ridiculous! There is no guarantee of having a child that looks or acts like you, likes the same things as you, or has the same talents as you even if he or she IS your biological child. I would not expect that of ANY child of mine. Any parent who would...well, imo that's just bad parenting.

All four of the boys have some similarities to me. Tyler is very particular about things just like me (ok, ok...we probably both have OCD. But just a little lol.) I had to laugh on our first Christmas together. He set up the nativity set and SO proudly asked, "Did I do a good job? It looks just like it does on the box." Sure enough it did lol and that was SO something I would've done, especially as a kid. I use each boys' talents and interests that match mine to strengthen our relationships. For example Cory loves to cook as much as I do so he often helps me in the kitchen and we have fun and a lot of great talks then. Jay is my little bookworm so we read together and talk about books a lot. But don't all good parents do that? Spend time with their kids doing what they both enjoy doing?

On the flip side I also accept and enjoy my boys for who they are, including their differences. Cory and Ty love rap music for example. It's probably the one genre of music I can't get into. At all. Ah, but do I tell them they can't listen to it? Nope. It's hard becuase so much of rap is inappropriate for kids but as long as the song isn't violent or explicit I'm ok with it. Ty's taste in clothes is NOTHING like mine. It's totally West Coast choppers, flames, and the like. I don't buy him, or any of the boys for that matter, clothes they don't pick out. I have the last word in appropriateness of course but it's all clothes they have chosen. So yeah I let them express themselves. And I spend time doing things they like that I may not, like watching football with Ty. I don't pick the sports they play or clubs they join. They tell me when they're interested and if it's possible they join. I HATE the cold but every year I go watch the boys ski. But again isn't that what a good parent does? Encourage their kids in what they're good at and enjoy even if the parents aren't or don't?

When I began the process of fostering and adopting I never signed on for a carbon copy of myself. Never expected it. I just assumed that we'd be alike in some ways, different in others. A relationship like I have with my mom and dad...enjoying our similarities but respecting our differences, and know what? Enjoying them too.

Tagged...7 Things

Camille tagged me for this lol.

7 things...

To do before I die:
1. Take my boys to Disney!
2. Go on an archeological dig.
3. See a Broadway show.
4. Visit some of my TT friends (you know who you are!)
5. Scuba dive, go white water rafting, and/or sky dive.
6. Visit Ireland and Scotland.
7. Become a great and famous photographer. (I never said these were reality based!)

I cannot do:
1. Fix every problem of my loved ones.
2. Style hair (including my own).
3. Sing well.
4. Drive standard.
5. Ride a bike.
6. Ski.
7. Quilt.

That attract me to a man (changed from Things that attracted me to my spouse).
1. Honesty
2. A great smile
3. A great sense of humor
4. Kindness
5. Faithfulness/loyalty
6. Singing ability
7. Intelligence/wit

Things I say most often:
1. My sons' names.
2. I love you!
3. Pick that up!
4. Get to bed!
5. What do you want for dinner?
6. Are you STILL hungry?
7. I'm tired.

Books I love:
1. The Twilight Series.
2. The Harry Potter Series.
3. The Wheel of Time Books (also a series).
4. The Name of the Wind.
5. The Ghost of Windy Hill (a childhood favorite).
6. I'll Love You Forever (a mommy favorite lol).
7. The Stephanie Plum books ( a series of light mystery/action by Janet Evanovich)

Movies I could watch over and over again:
1. Dirty Dancing
2. Beaches
3. Robin Hood (with Kevin Costner)
4. Dave
5. any of the Harry Potter movies
6. A Christmas Story ("You'll shoot your eye out!")
7. Pretty Woman

People I'm Tagging:
As always anyone who reads and wants to. I don't have enough readers who haven't been tagged by Camille lol.

Becky

Veterans Day

I know a lot of veterans, and several current military folks, so I didn't want to let today go without acknowledging it.

Mom, Dad, Grandpas K and C, The C Uncles, Cory, Kimmi, and all the other people past and present who fought or worked to keep or country safe...Thank You. May we never forget your sacrifice!

Case Updated

I can't go into much detail but we had another hearing for the boys. I'm not overly stressing yet but let's just say it isn't over. The appointment I vaguely alluded to in my last post about the case? It led to an investigation, as I expected and hoped, but didn't make much of a difference in court. I doubt it will be founded or substantiated at this point. What bothers me is that I've reported everything the boys have told me and I feel like there are people that could contribute to the case but no one has talked to them. I feel like no one is fighting hard enough for these kids and I am so limited in what I can do. It's frustrating!

Things are about to get worse too. The boys are now going to be going through some stuff in the "interests of making the right decision" that could have us seeing major setbacks in behavior around here. Again, more on this as I can if I can say something without saying too much.

That's all I can say right now EXCEPT the one bright spot is that through all of this the cw told my inside source at the county that it went better than she expected. That continues to give me hope!

Please Pray....Tricia Lawrenson Update

If you recall I posted before about a family named the Lawrensons. Tricia, the wife and new mom, has CF and recently had a double lung transplant. She developed a form of cancer common to patients undergoing that procedure and the first round of treatment didn't do much. They began a second, more intense round of treatment and it was said that if the lymphoma didn't respond well to that she was in trouble. Nate updated his blog today and the news isn't good. He wrote that he doesn't yet know what comes next but PLEASE keep them in your thoughts and prayers! It means a lot to them, and to me! I'll post here as I find out more I'm sure or you can click on the cf husband link in my blog list.

Pictures

In case you couldn't tell from my header we spent the morning getting outside fall pics. My friend Cam made my favorite of each of the boys into a banner for me. (Thanks again! You rock!) There were some good shots of each of the kids but not one group shot of all 4 that stands out. They just never all cooperated at the same time lol. I'll share a few of the "almosts" but I might try again next weekend. I was really excited that one of the ones in the birch trees might work. It was good in theory, anyway lol.

Here We Go

I got some news about the case for J and L this week. I've had to process it and think about what I can and shouldn't post here. It boils down to I feel like I need to tell more than I probably should.

As it stands now there are 2 court dates scheduled. Something will be happening before the first that I am hopeful will make the second either unneccesary or at least a bigger step in the direction of permanency. I guess I can say that there is an appointment for the boys that may bring to light some of the things I've known for a while that will help the judge make the right decision. I have some mixed emotions about this appointment. I'm excited that it's happening, especially soon enough that any info can be brought up in court the next time we go. At the same time I am beyond pissed that it has taken this long for the powers that be to see that it needed done. From the moment I was contacted about J and L I was told that what will be addressed at this appointment was a probability so I am furious that nothing was done to bring it to light until now. I've seen the signs, heard the boys say things that prove it. I've reported all of it but because nothing was done sooner other things will allow the parents' side to cast doubt on it if it does come up now. All of this has led to the fact that I'll not just be testifying but I'll be raked over the coals so to speak. Just to show how bad it is...I recently found out that L told the cw the same information directly and she refuses to touch it with a ten foot pole (for the cases's sake AND her own). Thus the sudden need for this appointment.

The other thing that was brought up to me was a proposal made by the parents' lawyer. I'm not sure I should discuss the details here but if I change my mind at some point I'll go into a little more detail. My point in bringing it up is that it feels like a last ditch effort by the parents to hold on to something of the boys. Given the circumstances at this point I am not willing to agree to it. The county is of the same mind for now. I'd like to but I just don't believe it's in the boys' best interest.

I'm sorry all this is so vague. I'd like to ask any readers to please be praying for the boys for the next little while. It would be greatly appreciated!

Ouch

Like a lot of kids, especially with ADHD, J isn't very good at taking care of his things. I told him on Monday to put his soccer shin guards away after soccer practice. The next day they were still there. I told him again to put them up. He picked up both outer socks and one of the hard inserts but left the other. I told him later to put THAT one up. This morning he knew he had a game that started at 10. I had him getting ready a little after 9. By 9:40 he hadn't found ANY of the shin guard pieces. At about 10 he found the socks and one insert. By this time Cory, Ty, and I were all helping him look as well. I found it at 10:35 shoved behind the toy hamper in the playroom. By then the game was half over and he was crying because there was just no point in going. I hope he learned his lesson from it and tries harder to take care of his things. Otherwise...it just stinks.

In the Moment

Although I'm not sure how to put it into words, last night I was thinking that I feel like I've been living my life on hold so to speak. For a long time actually, but especially the last 5 years. I know that change is a part of life and even if things seem solid, life has a way of shaking things up. Even considering that, though, it seems like so much of my life is or has been in limbo. Were Cory and Tyler going to be and are J and L going to be my sons forever? Where and what is the right teaching job for me? Will we be staying here in the house we're in or will we be moving? I'd just like to feel some sense of permanence in our lives. A sense of general well being, with no big changes looming on the horizon. The unknowns (especially related to the boys' foster care cases)in our life, for some reason I can't quite put my finger on, make it harder for me to let the joys of our day to day life reach as deep as they should.

I wish I knew what to do about that, to find a way to truly just be in the here and now. I told myself last night that I need to start doing that but I'm not sure where to start. I don't want to let a moment of the boys' lives slip away without really enjoying it in the worry about what might happen. I suppose it starts with a choice so here's to living in the moment!

9/11

Where were you??? Remember...

The Name Game

As long as adoption exists so will the quandry of what to call the people involved. Today I read another complaint about the term birth mother. When I was new to adoption I used this term. To me it meant a mother who had placed her child for adoption, no insult intended. It was a frame of reference only, a way to distinguish between mothers in adoptive situations. I've since come to understand that many of those mothers were offended by the term, often citing that they felt it limited the importance of their role in their child(ren)'s life. Given what I know now about coercion and marketing in adoption I can respect their feelings on the matter. I've used the term in the past but as I said before as a frame of reference only. I've never used the term in reference to my sons' mothers in front of them. If I am speaking to them regarding their mom I SAY "your mom." They know who I mean and they know that I'm their mom too.

I've spoken about a little about this before but I felt the need to bring it up again. The reason is that while I can understand this mother's (whose blog I read today) reasons for NOT wanting to be called birth mother, it hurt that in the same blog post she called adoptive parents adopters. Then she wondered why we object to the term. I'd like to answer that here, although I am unconvinced she doesn't really already understand since it's basically the same reason they object to the term birthmother. I feel the term adopter does, and is meant to by at least some of the mothers who insist on using it, denigrate OUR roles in the lives of our children. I'm NOT an adopter. I adopted and now I'm a mother. It's as simple as that. And while I'm on the topic (a little bit at least)..."as born to" DOES exist. I've heard it said that no paper (meaning tpr) can change that and I AGREE totally with that. Time, good parenting, and love however CAN. It does this without severing the bond that the child will always have with his/her parents and their families. But it DOES exist. I would die for my boys, sacrifice anything that was mine to give. It's a mother's love for her sons. Plain and simple. Do they miss or cry for their mothers too? Yes. And I let them. I talk to them, look at pictures with them. I do what I can to acknowledge their loss and help them work through it. That's what a mother does no matter what her child is hurting about. So don't tell me (or my boys btw because they'd be the first to disagree with you) that I can't love them like they were born to me or that I'm not their mother.

It basically comes down to no one group's agenda is ever going to be heard, no change ever instituted in adoption as long as all we do is fling insults at each other and refuse to hear one another. It weakens every argument, every otherwise valid point of view. I'm tired of the insults and the pettiness. On all, yes ALL, sides. If you want to get justice for the violation of your rights in separating you from your baby, if you want your original records unsealed, or if you want reform in adoption it's time to grow up and focus on THAT. Stop taking your issues out on each other and either work together or at least learn to live and let live.

Golden Days

The first 2 days of school have been really nice. I've enjoyed having the boys gone so I can miss them but it's sure been quiet. It's nice to have L to myself too until his pre-school starts next week. I hope work (subbing) starts in earnest soon after that. I just can't imagine being home a lot without them after having them here all summer.

Day 5...Home Sweet Home

The boys got a few last turns in with the go carts then we packed and headed home. We were sad and partly not ready but man it's good to be back! I'll leave you with a few pics from around the campfire!

Day 4...Underground Again

We headed for Penn's Cave today. We enjoyed it a lot. One of the funniest things is that one of the men in our tour group looked so much like my BIL (but older) that I swear I thought it was his brother! The pics from today are my favorite from inside the cave, a group shot of the boys outside the Penn Cave House, and a shot of Ty and Cory just because I love the pic so much! If you compare Cory in it to him in the header of my blog (from last October) you can really see how much he has matured in less than a year!

Day 3...More of the Same

We spent day 3 just enjoying the campground again. The pics in this post this will be the boys enjoying the bumper boats and go carts. The campground had different activities each day too. Today the boys enjoyed the foam party by the pool. There was a huge blow up pool filled with soap bubbles to play in and you got hosed off as you came out.

I enjoyed every minute but my best memories will be from around the campfire. It's amazing what the boys will talk about in front of the relaxing fire with nothing else to focus on but the flames and each other. I feel like we got to know each other all over again and they sure can surprize me! They laughed, talked, told jokes and stories. Even L at 4 years old told amazingly creative (although frightingly graphic for his age) scary stories in such a wonderful story teller voice. It was so beyond what I expected of him that the shock of it made us all laugh til our sides hurt. It was just so surprizing to hear that breathless, edge of your seat tone from him as he told the tales. I'lll NEVER forget those nights around the campfire, just me and my boys.

Day 2...Aaaaahhhh

Day 2 (Tuesday) we spent enjoying the campground. There was the pool and splash park, bumper boats, mini golfing, game room and pedal carts. There's a hot tub there too but it wasn't very hot lol. Still relaxing though lol.

The pics this time are from the pool/splashpark.

Day 1...Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho

We're back from our vacation. We had a great time and got a much needed time away together.

We couldn't check in til later in the afternoon on Monday so we left home early and went to one of the points of interest on our list. We took a mine tram tour of a PA coal mine, which was very interesting and educational. I'm not sure the boys cared about the educational part but they thought it was "wicked cool." The tram took us to the middle level of the mine I guess you'd call it. This meant we could look up gangways (emergency passages for the miners to climb if needed) and down into the ones to the lower level. The pictures just don't do justice to the scope of the length and incline of the gangways. The one we saw from above looking down into the deeper level of the mine was mind boggling. To point out how dangerous it could be the tour guide turned off all the lights and said, "Now find the Wishing Well (what it was called.)" In the picture you can see a grate over it but back when it was in use of course they couldn't block it off. Another thing that hit home for us all was the story of what they used for brakes on the mine carts (12 yr old boys used to stand along side the tracks and throw wood into the spokes to slow them down). We all really enjoyed the whole experience.

After the mine we checked into the campground. We had time to enjoy the pool and splash park and the boys rode bikes and pedal go-carts for a while.

Catching Up

Obviously I've been neglecting my blog. It's so strange how you can feel so busy and yet not feel like there's anything to write about. Anyway...here's what's been up in our lives since last I wrote.

Ty has been sick. Where he caught it I don't know but mono has been going around and he caught it. He's coming into week three of being down with it. He's been feeling pretty good for a while now so the hardest thing on him has been the restricted activities that go along with it. He's missed bike riding the most but is also upset because he'll be missing the first two soccer practices of the season.

I've been getting some big projects done around the house. Well, maybe not big but things above the normal daily routine. I took apart, cleaned, and fixed the ceiling fan in my room; hoed out Ty's closet, deep cleaned the kitchen, and prepared for a yard sale. Which we have yet to have. I've also managed to swing us a vacation! We're going to be camping at a campground that has a lot to do and where we got a great deal. We'll also be going to some attractions that are in that area as well. We're all really excited. We leave Monday and will be back Friday.

In amongst all of the yard sale prep, cleaning, and vacation planning and prep....I GOT AN INTERVIEW! I went this morning at 8:30. It's not a full time position (and I'm not even sure it's permanent), but it's perfect for me for this year. It's 4.5 hrs/day maximum but the hourly rate is GREAT so I'd have wonderful hours and still make the most money I've ever made in a year lol. The interview went well as far as I could tell but I don't have a feeling if I got it or not. If I don't it just wasn't meant to be. Of course I'll keep you posted!

There's been nothing more on J and L's case, though something MUST be happening soon. I have reason to think that the next hearing (goal change) will be happening within the next few weeks. As far as behavior goes things have settled down. Still no rages since visits have stopped. None. I HAVE figured out that although L is physically 4 and smart as the dickens, somehow behaviorally he is more like 18 months-2 years. He needs a lot of supervision. In my head I've seen this for a while now but it's really hit home this summer. Two cases in point: he recently had a sticker on as we got in our car. We hadn't left the parking lot from where he'd gotten it when I heard, "Mom, he ate his sticker." Then just a few days ago I had to take him to the ped to have his ear flushed because he'd stuck a piece of bird food in it. I know, I know. Lots of kids do that. But most do it earlier, like at 2. He's non stop and it can be exhausting, though I don't want to seem like I'm complaining. It just is what it is.

School starts a few days after we get back from our vacation. So we need to be getting ready for that as well. And in good news I was approved for a car loan so I will possibly be looking into getting something with more seating after things settle down a bit. Exciting times!

Fun(d) Raiser UPDATED

If you haven't already please check out Nate's blog. If he raises $3,000 or more for the the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society by Friday August 8th he'll shave himself bald on the internet that night. MAYBE you have to be more involved to get as much of a kick out of this as I am but hey it's a great cause with some fun and humor thrown in! As of this morning they were already half way to their goal!

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Just wanted to let everyone know that Nate made his goal (and then some I think). On top of that it was a blast to watch!

I Love You, J

J,

I can't believe you're 8 now. It seems like yesterday that you walked into our lives and into my heart. I'll never forget that first night (How could I? You remind me often lol) when you were so quiet and shy and you wouldn't even eat dinner. Pizza. YOU.

It's hard watching you work so hard to put your past behind you but I'm glad you're doing it. I'm so proud of you! I hope that if I'm allowed to try I can be the mom you need to help you through this. You may not trust in this yet but I'll be here for as long as I can, forever if I have my way.

My hope for you is that some day when you look into the mirror you see what the people who love you see and NOT what your past has taught you to see. You are so smart and creative. It's always in the stories you write and the machines you build with your toys. You are considerate and appreciate the things people do for you. Not many kids would care enough to thank their mom for bringing their back pack to school when they forgot it. You show your kindness and generosity every day, whether you're helping me with chores, bringing Cory his cup, or sharing your gum.

Thank you for being my son! May your 8th year be your best ever and your life get happier and more blessed each year after!

Sad but True

This was sent to me in an email from a friend. It hit home so I thought I'd pass it on, even though a lot of people who read my blog will have gotten it from that same friend. I have a post in mind but need time to think it out about J's birthday (which was Thursday).

Obituary for "Common Sense"

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend,
Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how
old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red
tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such
valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the
rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and maybe it
was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies
(don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not
children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when
well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a
6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens
suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired
for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers
for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining
their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to
get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student;
but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to
have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became
businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar
in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a
woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a
little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death,

by his parents, Truth and Trust

his wife, Discretion

his daughter, Responsibility

his son, Reason

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;

I Know My Rights

I Want It Now

Someone Else Is To Blame

I'm A Victim

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he
was gone.

The Lawrenson Family

If you don't already know them (so many people have been touched by their story) I'd like to introduce you to Nate, Tricia, and Gwyneth. Nate blogs the story of their family with amazing faith, grace, and humor. Tricia has cystic fibrosis. In January she gave birth to Gwyneth and a short few months later underwent a double lung transplant. Gwyneth is a double miracle in that Tricia got pregnant with her right as they were giving up hope of a baby (Tricia was about to be activated on the transplant list and risked her own life to give Gwyneth hers) and also in that she is doing fantastically considering she was born very prematurely.

I'm posting this today to ask for prayers and good thoughts for Tricia. She was diagnosed with a form of cancer common to transplant patients shortly after the surgery. The cancer didn't respond well to the intital round of treatment so she will begin a more agressive round now. If the cancer doesn't respond to it Tricia is in trouble. So, please, if you pray please send some up for Tricia and her family!

I'm not sure I can put into words what sharing their journey through Nate's blog (you can also click on Confessions of a CF Husband in my blog list) has meant to me. It's something you have to be open to and experience for yourself I think. Please consider checking it out!

Memories

I saw this on my friend Camille's blog. Thought it looked like fun. Now watch no one will comment lol.

1. As a comment on my blog, leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember!


2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually pretty funny to see the responses.

A Brief Review (The Name of the Wind)

You might not know it if you missed the few posts I've written regarding books or reading, but reading is a passion of mine. It runs in the family, so much so that my brother owns a bookstore. Lol you already know that if you've read this. On top of owning a bookstore my brother also writes book reviews for the local paper. So, yes, he reads...A LOT. He recently recommended a book, The Name of the Wind, to me. I wasn't sure about it but he was persistant and I finally gave in. I didn't regret it! He reviewed it on his review blog The author, Patrick Rothfuss, has garnered copious amounts of praise for it, his first book, and it's been likened to the Lord of the Rings. Yes, it's fantasy. But guess what? I can't of course promise that you'll like it but I DO promise you don't have to be a fan of fantasy to. It's sad sometimes, hysterically funny at others, and so well written it was just a fast, easy read.

Just a quick note~this is Book One of a three book series known as the King Killer Chronicles.

That's My Boy

To lighten the mood after my previous post I thought I'd share some shining examples of J's sense of humor. It's one of my favorite things about him and his is similar to my family's rather dry, wacky sense of humor.

Post "deer hit:"
1. As we pulled into the yard on Saturday he excitedly noticed a deer in the yard, as usual. This time though he shouted a friendly warning, "Run for your life! She's a deer killer!"

2. We went to the movies Sunday with my sister and her dh. J and Ty rode with them to the theater and Cory, L, and I rode in our car. As we pull into the parking spot on their passenger side (where J was getting out of the car) he quips, "Don't hit us! We're not deer and we come in peace!" and falls to the ground laughing.

Tonight, as we were discussing the destruction of the mattress protector (thin plastic liner) on his bed:
Me: You NEED to make your bed. If you don't you'll finish shredding your mattress pad. It won't be comfy sleeping on plastic anyway.
J: It's not MY fault it's ripped.
Me (with brow arched): Then whose is it?
J (in a sweet, sure tone of voice with a wicked sweet smile and glint in his eyes): God's.

Doe, A Deer....

This is posted a few days after the fact. It happened Friday as we headed out to the fireworks. One minute I was driving and there was nothing there, the next minute it was too late.

We're all fine. No one was injured at all except the poor deer. The car runs so it all could've been worse. Still....kwim? I'm working on getting stuff fixed. We'll see how it goes.

To top it off a friend of mine was in an accident on the same day as well. She and her family are fine, thank God.

"You've Been Flocked"

Our town has one of the best fundraisers I've ever seen going on right now. It's called "Flock or be Flocked." The local theater group is doing it to raise money for their Relay For Life team (cancer). There's a huge flock of plastic pink flamingos and you can pay (donate $$$ to the American Cancer Society) to send them to someone's yard for the day. If there isn't much yard they have flower pots they put them in. You can also pay BEFORE you get flocked to buy "flocking insurance" (so you can't BE flocked) lol. The boys and I have really enjoyed it since they started it and nearly every day we drive around to see who got "flocked." SOOOO....we decided to "flock" Uncle Kevin at his bookstore lol.

Up on My Adoption Soapbox (Again)

Something I read today on an adoption forum I frequent prompted some thoughts that I feel the need to get out. Before I continue I would like to emphasize again that my experiences with adoption have been in regard to older child adoption through foster care. I believe that domestic, newborn adoption is a very valid (though currently also very corrupt) option for some expecting parents. I also believe that those parents should not ever be pressured into making a decision in ANY direction. The decision should only be made by the parent(s), hopefully in an environment of honest support (as in we'll get you through this time NO MATTER which road you choose). Having clarified that I'll go on with what this post is really about...the foster care system.

A friend of mine is working with a young girl currently in foster care. As part of her job she has become aware of some of this young lady's home situation and it's not good. She honestly believes in keeping the family together whenever possible but wonders where that line should be drawn. I've been real close to this dilemma lately because of the situation with J and L and some things that went on with the case. I really feel that families should be kept together as much as possible but I still feel that the interests of the children should come before the family (which really most often reads as the adults in the family). The adults don't need protecting but the children in these situations do. As I mentioned before this pertains only to parents in the foster care system. An expectant parent who is considering placing a child for adoption for whatever reason DOES deserve and need the protection, support, and resources to make any decisions about their options.

It infuriates me that in these cases the children pay the price of preserving the family at all costs. At what point do we say the family is not worth the cost of a child languishing in care for far too long or returning to an unsafe situation? I'll admit I don't know the answer to this, at least in part because I'm too close to this problem. I honestly know that J and L can NOT go home because I believe the things they've told me and I know the history there (which extends far beyond even just the 2 of them). Can these parents really change? How many chances to seriously mess up and with how many children should these people get? How long should parents get to work out their problems while their children wait, wonder, and worry in care? When is enough enough already?

Like I said before I don't have the answers. I wish I did for the children's sake (and yes for the family's sake). What I'd like to see is all the help possible provided to these parents so that they can keep their family together. The only reason for removal of children should be that the resources provided do not alleviate the problems OR if the situation is so problematic that the child(ren)'s safety is not assured. Oh wait! This IS what's supposed to happen and when it works it's wonderful. The glitch in this policy is this: there are parents who can't or won't use the resources to honestly change. I think if it gets to the point (for either reason I mentioned) that children need to be removed, the parents should have to work hard and fast to prove that they can safely parent these children. 12 months or more seems too long in my opinion, especially when considering that most of these families have been offered services that could keep their family together for quite some time BEFORE the kids were removed. If the parents can't successfully learn to parent with those supports before the children are removed they shouldn't have much time after. They should have some time, yes, because actually realizing how close they are to losing their kids can force them to get it together. I think though that if that's going to happen it'll show relatively quickly in the parents' actions and cooperation.

What about severe cases? "Aggravated circumstances" cover what counts as reasons to remove children and not have to work with the family to reunify. The problem? I've seen first hand where this is totally ignored and children suffer for it. It's supposed to protect the children in dire situations but how can it do that if it's not used because people are trying to maintain family? Some people might argue with the use of "aggravated circumstances," citing "preserve the family at all costs" as a basis for that stance. Preserving the family is a very admirable and necessary goal but as I've said before I disagree with that mantra when it's the children paying the price. My stand on this issue is that if parents have gotten to the point where the conditions for "aggravated circumstances" are met, they probably don't deserve more time anyway. I say probably to acknowledge that there are exceptions to this (but believe they are probably few and far between).

There is a price that the children in foster care pay no matter what happens (issues from time spent in care even if they return to a good situation, returning to a bad situation, or issues from losing the parents forever even if it was the best choice among horrid options). It's time adults stop using the all holy family as a blanket defense to avoid the consequences of THEIR actions that put the children in the situation in the first place. It's time to put the kids, not family, first. The family is not a living person, children are. THEY are what matters. Yes it's important to consider the pain and issues that arise from losing family but only by looking at what is best for the children in each whole situation can we say whether that family should be preserved.

Life After Visits

It's amazing how much stress the visits and case were causing in our lives. The difference has been striking! J is the pretty much easy going kiddo I used to know. He has his moments but they seem to be mainly reasonable kid moments. There has not been a single rage since the cw stopped by to tell the boys that visits were going to stop until the judge made up his mind. For the moment at least, the whole messy situation isn't in every activity, every moment of our day. I have to admit I like it.

We've been busy here lately. Despite the fact that it seems to rain at least for a bit nearly every day we've manged to get in some summer fun. Swimming, mini golfing, going to the park, that kind of thing. I'm working on a small mini get away and there's still camping to look forward to as well.

Yesterday we went to a small circus that was at the local fairground. It was pretty good for such a small one and it was especially nice because we were able to go with Ty's family. His mom, sister, grandparents, and 2 cousins made it. After that we went to my sister's for dinner and a tour of their new home! (same property but their new house is finished and gorgeous!)

The not givng adhd meds over the summer thing seems to be working out well. Seems like the worst that's going on is chasing after the messes they make and the occasional bout of the summer grouchies. The boys really know what buttons to push on each other and then I get to hear "Mom, he's got my toy." "Mom, he's looking at me." "Mom, he called me hippy." I can't really say that either of these things would be helped significantly, if at all, with meds so I'll deal with it and be grateful they aren't driving me nuts lol.

One Step at a Time

It was a long, grueling day in court today. I can't go into specifics but I will say I feel bruised and battered for sure. The county had decided to ask for a goal change to tpr and the boys' parents' lawyer asked for a continuance. The judge granted it and the hearing became an hours long battle to determine if visits should continue or be suspended until the goal change can be presented at the continuance.

The end result is that visits ARE temporarily suspended and the continuance re: the goal change will be scheduled shortly. That's all I know for now but for now it's enough. While it's not the giant leap I was hoping for today, it IS a big step.

Thanks to all of you who prayed for the boys and sent good thoughts our way! Please continue to do so!

My Scariest Moment

This is the second thing Cam tagged me to do. Not that I mind....it's kinda fun but this one is HARD. How did you pin down your scariest moment?

My scariest moment? Probably when the cw told me that I wouldn't be allowed to adopt Cory. They'd called and beggged me to take him for respite then long-term fc. He'd already been to and left 3 OTHER homes and they were going to make him move again after 6 months with me when his parents had already had their rights terminated? For him to go to an adoptive home where he knew no one? I didn't think so. Well, it worked out but I remember not being able to breathe when I heard that.

Tag...I'm It

My friend Camille tagged me. It's my first time ever (and then she DOUBLE tagged me lol....see next post).

Four Jobs I've had:
1. Substitute teacher
2. Receptionist
3. Nursing Asst. and Home Health Care Worker
4. Nanny

Four Movies I've watched more then once:
1. Dirty Dancing
2. Harry Potter (series)
3. Gremlins
4. Robin Hood

Four Places I Have Lived:
1. Wellsboro, PA
2. Narberth, PA
3. Villanova, PA
4. Mansfield, PA

Four TV Shows I watch:
1. Hell's Kitchen
2. Ghost Hunters
3. CSI
4. the Mole

Four Places I've been:
1. OBX, NC
2. London
3. Los Angelos
4. Lucerne, Switzerland

Four People Who Email Me Regularly:
1. Dawn (my cuz)
2. Kevin (my bro)
3. E-Bay
4. N.K. (a parent from Cory's scout troop)

Four of My Favorite Foods (Hello? only 4????):
1. Lasagna
2. Potato Salad
3. Steaks on the grill (actually almost anything on the grill)
4. Enchiladas

Four Places I'd Like to Visit:
1. Ireland
2. Disneyland (for the boys)
3. Australia
4. France

Four Things I'm Looking Forward to This Year:
1. Making J and L my legal sons
2. Either fixing this place up some or moving
3. Hopefully becoming an Aunt
4. The Breaking Dawn book and the Twilight movie

People I Tag:
Anyone who wants to do it! Sorry....I don't have many blog friends yet and most of them have already been tagged!

I'll Take It

I got a little bit of news yesterday. There apparently is so much disagreement within the county about what to do with the case that they plan on going in and presenting their case and letting the judge just decide. In other words they're not asking for anything. They're just going to present and let him take the reigns with no actual official opinion from them. All things considered, I'll take it. It means it's very unlikely that a decision won't be reached and knowing the case as I do I THINK we can prove to the judge how dangerous it would be for the boys to go home. That means that tomorrow's visit could be the last one (with the possible exception of a good bye visit).

Please readers pray! Some of you may feel you don't know enough of the story to pray for them to not go home. If so, would you please consider just praying for what's best for them? I'm trying to put my faith and trust in God that whatever happens will be exactly that...in their best interests! I'm not totally objective because I love them so much BUT I have heard from them time and time again some of the stuff they've been through. I hope no matter what next Thursday brings that part of their life is over.

Time Flies

So far today has been a pretty good day as far as behavior, especially as it's day one for the bigger 3 with no ADHD meds and it's the dreaded "v" day. I was literally sick to my stomach last night dreading today. It's been a full day, though, and I think that helps. It breaks my heart that the only way J can handle visits is if he's so distracted the rest of the day he doesn't have to deal with it internally.

We started the day by picking Ty up from his lock-in, an all night slumber party held at the school by the 4th grade teachers. We then headed to the STPR Pro-Rally which starts right down the block from us pretty much. After the visit J had a birthday party to go to and the rest of us went to the library and then hunted down a new a/c for downstairs. It's installed (yeah me and Cory lol). After a light dinner we're meeting my friend for ice cream and then relax and bed.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow. We can sleep in and then we'll head to my sisters' to have a cookout, meet her new goats, and check on the chicks that she was kind enough to take from Ty's class experiement.

Less (News) is More (Stress)

The hearing is now scheduled for June 19th. Other than that I STILL don't really know much more than I did before and part of what I now know is NOT good news. Apparently there is disagreement among people in the county as to what's best for the boys so that's all up in the air again. I'm still hopeful that the judge will see the truth and do what's best for the boys. I'd feel better though if the county and the GAL went into the hearing asking for the same thing. As it stands now ANYTHING could happen at this hearing.

Saturday was hard. J raged for about 45 minutes before the visit. He later admitted that it was because of the visit but during it he was completely making up stuff to scream at me about. For instance...I "broke a lovie" of his (that a. was NOT remmotely ripped or otherwise broken and b. I hadn't touched). He got over it and we made it to the vist but he was edgy the rest of the day as well.

Sunday was a much needed "fun day." We went to the circus with my parents and my sister and her dh. It wasn't a huge circus but the boys all liked it. Cory was a bit jaded (think "This is it?") at times but even he enjoyed it. We all ate out together after so all in all it was a really nice day.

Update to A Bad Place to Be

I could cry. At breakfast J was cheering "One more visit after today." This just sucks.

The boys' new cw, T, was at their visit today (along with the cw who regularly supervises). On the way home they told me that she mentioned asking the judge to let them have a few more visits. I don't think she's going to start poking her nose in at 15 months and change things (though the thought that she might HAS occured to me) so I'm not too worried that she means they won't still be going for tpr. That still leaves the question of what she DOES mean. I can think of 2 things....she was trying to find out about how the boys would feel about "goodbye visits" OR trying to give J a reason for the extra visits that will happen because of the delay in the proceedings. If she is trying to string J along she'll regret it. It won't satisfy him. He'll still be expecting to hear news of the hearing on the 5th. At any rate now I sit here til Tuesday knowing that the crap is up in the air but not knowing exactly which way the wind is blowing it (so to speak).

A Bad Place to Be

I've got bad news. The court date was postponed yet again. This is beyond ridiculous. Apparently it's beyond their control this time...there won't be a lawyer for the parents that day. I just can't help but think that if they'd done what they were supposed to do when they should've we wouldn't be in this position. We should've been in court yesterday for the 15 month review. Now it's more likely to be the 16 month review! I won't know for sure when it's been rescheduled for until at least Tuesday because of course no one who knows anything is in today. The only way this could be good news is if they get an EARLIER date. What do we suppose the chances of that are?.....Yeah. That's what I thought too.

The worst part of it is that J is going to go ballistic. He comes home and counts the days until June 5th and asks, "How many more visits are there?" Now I think some people will probably disagree with the fact that he even knows so much about what's going on. If I didn't know J I probably would, too. The big BUT is that if I (or a cw) came from court to tell him what happened AFTER it happened he'd be furious and feel betrayed. As hard as it is for him to know, he can't deal with the lack of control there is for him in not knowing. He also doesn't trust adults easily so you have to be very upfront and honest with him. There's just no winning in this situation.

If you're one for prayer, readers, please do! I'll update about this as I know more.

Cuteness

I just had to post this before I went to bed. I love this picture, even though the quality is poor as it was taken with my camera phone. Too bad...the kids look great in it!

Growing Up and Other News

Cory is just SO grown up now. I just can't get over it. It really hit me all of a sudden. On Monday we had eye doctor appointments for Cory and Ty and I noticed that he was tall enough that his feet touched the foot rest at the bottom of the chair. He just looked so big in it! Then, more importantly, last night he was supposed to be at tutoring until 5:30. We were at counseling for J and wouldn't be home until 5:15ish. Tutoring ended up being cancelled so he was home right after school (about 3:10). He called me on my cell phone to let me know he was home alone. That is such a small thing for a lot of kids his age but a HUGE step and show of responsibility for him!

In other news I am frantically trying to get J an updated pysch eval before the hearing. We had one scheduled but the doctor cancelled and I'm having a hard time getting it rescheduled ANYWHERE. I have to admit I'm getting a little frustrated with it.

Lastly...I forgot to mention that there are only 2 more visits til the hearing!

Aunt Val

We went out to dinner last night with my sister. I told her that one of us needs to sit by L. Lol. I'm not so sure she'll choose to be the one that does again. He ran her ragged with his messes and needing "nakins." But they did share "furly pries" (curly fries) and ice cream lol. Though apparently they THOUGHT they were having a shake???

Someone's Toes May Get Stepped On...

but mine were first!

Mother's day this year was a time for reflection for me. I'd never been to this place in my life before. This year I'm happy and secure as a mom to my 4 boys. Yes, 4. How can I include J and L? Well, they're my sons. For right here and now, whether they stay or go, they need that. And deserve it. Still, that could be a whole other post and this post wasn't going to be about that. Or exactly that, anyway. So back on track. Always before Mother's day has been about honoring my mom, dealing with the hurt the day caused me before I had the boys, or shoving my head in the sand just being in shock that I WAS a mom. This year I enjoyed my kids. I really did. But there was more. I spent a lot of my free time reading blogs (a new obsession). They were mainly adoption related and many were the blogs of parents who had placed or adoptees. Reading these blogs, and a call to Ty's mom on Mother's Day, triggered a lot of thinking on my part.

I understand that placing a child for adoption is losing a child. It doesn't matter if that child was involuntarily removed by a government agency (put first here ONLY because it's the situation for me and my boys), placed voluntarily after deciding it was the best decision to make in a bad situation with no GOOD choice, or placed "voluntarily" due to coercion. It still has to hurt. I can't honestly say I know what these parents go through but I can get a small idea. I dealt with the pain of wanting children and knowing how hard it would be for me to do that from the time I was 14 years old. I've dealt with nearly 2.5 years in all of fear and pain at the thought of losing first Ty and Cory and now J and L. Is it the same? No, of course not. Is it worse than what a parent who placed feels? No, I don't imagine it is. Is it a solid base to allow me to have compassion for what that parent has suffered? Yes, it is.

Another thing I've thought about these last few days is how much the system needs to be changed. How? God, I wish I knew. The only thing I DO know is that there'll always be corruption in it as long as it's allowed to be a business. Until that changes parents (both through birth and adoption) and adoptees will continue to "pay" for it. Dearly. But from foster care to private adoptions it needs to be overhauled for sure. Still, some of what I've read scares me. I've read posts that sound like adoption shouldn't even be an option. Faults and all, the truth is that adoption works sometimes. Is a necessary choice sometimes.

I read in several different places how domestic infant adoptions have decreased since abortion was legalized and women began to have more options that allowed them to parent. About abortion...I'm not going to debate my beliefs on that here in this post. What I WILL say is that it's still losing a child and that many women who have chosen that route have suffered emotionally because of that choice as well. What I did NOT read in any of the same places is that while d.i. adoptions may have decreased, the incidences of child abuse and neglect and the number of children in foster care have increased. That is NOT an implied slur on young, poor, or unmarried parents or expectant parents. I do NOT believe that they are any more likely to be abusive, neglectful parents than parents who adopted. I point it out simply to show that adoption in some form continues to be necessary. I'm stressing this because it sounded to me like some wanted to do away with it completely. Major reform? Again and again....YES! To take it away totally? I don't think that's an option. There is corruption in every sector of adoption: greedy, unethical agencies; manipulative, dishonest aparents; and bparents who are out to scam. That doesn't mean that EVERY agency, aparent, or bparent is that way. Nor does it mean that adoption is inherently wrong and evil. I guess it's like this. Even if placing was the best choice in your situation, you still have the right to grieve. If you were one of the countless parents that didn't have a choice or were coerced into the placement you have the right to be pissed off and get some justice. In fact, I hope you do. But I don't understand how you can accept taking that choice away when you see what being denied a choice did to you? Adoption IS a valid choice if every person facing an unplanned pregnancy is presented with all their options in an unbiased way and allowed to make the choice that is best for them. Whatever reform in adoption may look like, that's where it needs to end up in my opinion.

The last thing I noticed while reading was the use of the word natural mother in some blogs. I wonder, like every adoptive parent who has come across the term, what that makes me? What made me angry was that in some places I saw the term it was used not to empower or respect mothers but to degrade amoms. As in: we are NOT mothers. On that I beg to differ. I take care of my kids when they're sick, help them with their schoolwork, comfort them when they're scared, meet their basic needs, and I could go on and on. What other term is there for that? Ask my sons who I am...they know. I have lots of friends who've adopted...ask any one of their kids who that person who has taken care of them is. Does that have to make you a less important part of your child's life? Not at all. Not less, just different. Ask my sons that too. They know they have 2 moms and that they're allowed to love us both. It didn't take away any of the love I had for Ty or Cory as we added to our family. If I can love more than one child, why can't they love both their moms? I'm guessing it's hurt and anger that makes some parents act that way but I didn't cause your hurt. So put your anger and hurt where it rightfully belongs in your situation and leave the rest of us out of it. I am my 4 boys' mom and I won't feel guilty about it.

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day, mom! I know this might be a hard one for you so I just wanted you to know how much I love you!!!!!

Happy Mother's Day to all my friends, too! And ALL the moms (and moms to be!) out there!

Happy Birthday

Today was my birthday. We didn't really do anything to celebrate but the boys DID insist I get a cake so we had that tonight with candles. They sang to me, but I had to remind them to lol. I got money from my parents, lotion and bath gel from my sister, and a book from my brother. I spent some time reading today which was nice.

PS~I can OFFICIALLY say 3 more visits before the hearing now. Hopefully the cw will be right and they'll be over after that!

Case Updated

I'm going to tell the whole story of getting this news today so let me prepare anybody reading...the news turns out good. Don't panic when you read the beginning lol.

I've been expecting word of the 15 month hearing for J and L. They just had the meeting yesterday so I was thinking the paperwork might come maybe tomorrow IF someone was on the ball. Well, the certifed letters came today. I literally got a shock that made me sick to my stomach when I opened it. The county was asking for the boys to remain in care for 6 more months. I couldn't breathe I was so upset! I don't think J could take another 6 months. I immediately called the cw. She didn't answer so I left a rather terse message asking her to call me. She returned my call in minutes and here's where the news gets good.

She started with, "I gather you already got some mail." She apologized profusely that she hadn't called me to explain before I got the certified letters. She meant to but didn't expect that it would come so fast. The upshot is that the hearing has been continued until June 5th but the county is going to ask for TPR and she feels VERY confident that the judge will grant it. I basically knew all this but it seems so much more real now! After all the boys have gone through...this has been too hard fought and too long coming. It'll be so great to have it over with!

So....I'm counting down by how many of the very worst days (Saturdays...visit days) we have until the hearing. 4! And it could be all over! Or 3 after this week lol. That sounds better I think lol.

Maybe Tomorrow?

This has been a week of getting nothing done. I thought I had to work Monday afternoon so I took L to the sitter's. Once I got home to get a few things done and get ready to go I discovered that it was the next day that I had to work. Ok, no problem. I'd use the rest of the day to really get the house back in order from the weekend, right? Sadly, it wasn't meant to be. I had no sooner gotten settled in the "zone" when L's pre-school called (he goes to the sitter in the am and preschool in the pms when I work). Could I come get him? Or at least look at him? He had a rash. So we spent the day in the doctor's office only to discover that it was, as I had said from the beginning, a bug bite that he was reacting to. So Tuesday it was off to the sitter's, back home to do a little, then off to work a half day. What with Cory's scouts and counseling for J we had a busy evening as well. Today I was gone all day and accomplished only 2 things...waiting in the DMV to renew my license and picking up my new hearing aids. Then this evening it was off to the high school baseball game for a "go-see-it" for J's scout troop. I have to admit I enjoyed the game a lot. The weather was nice, the boys were good, we won lol, and I ran into a friend I haven't seen in a long time. We chatted the whole game. So all in all it was a pleasant evening. However my house is an utter disaster lol.

Oh well. There's always tomorrow lol.

Thank You!

I just wanted to thank all of you who have stopped to read and support me. Turns out I like this blogging thing more than I thought I would lol. And the main reason is knowing that my friends are reading and lending their prayers and support.

So...thanks!

((hug))

Bits and Pieces

A couple of bits and pieces about the day.

We went to look at a house tonight. I LOVED it. I wish we could just go ahead and do it. It's a bit of a pipedream, though. Still...I'm praying about it. Heaven knows God will provide the means if it is meant to be.

I got a new cell phone. I love it but I wasn't planning on it. Mine bit the dust and there just was no choice.

L is over the top thrilled. He got his first bike!

I know....exciting stuff, right? ;)

Turn, Turn, Turn

I'm begining to dread mornings. This morning started early with noise from the lil' boys room. We're finally all downstairs for breakfast when J starts lol and says, "Does that say what I THINK it does?" I go to the fridge and see spelled out in magnetic letters "F you." J hates reading his hw book every night but THAT he can sound out. Anyway...it didn't start the day off on a good note. (Turn around-When I finally dealt with it tonight Tyler admitted to doing it just to fool around. Discipline calmly handed out and it's dealt with.)

It's Thursday and if I'm not working it seems to be my cleaning day. I got a lot done. (Turn around-we hadn't been home 20 mins when the house was trashed.)

My cousin Dawn watched Jand L (Cory was at tutoring at school) so that I could take Ty for a doctor appointment. He's been having stomach issues and I was getting worried. (Turn around-he probably just needs more fiber.)

Jay kicked me on my shin so hard I have a bruise. He was only joking and kicked harder than he meant to but it's still NOT acceptable. (Turn around-He felt bad and apologized. We also all had a serious talk about the house rules at dinner time. Beneficial to all I hope.)

More News...Good and Bad???

I finally got a hold of the boys' cw today. I updated her about some things she needed to know and we talked a bit. She said her supervisor was planning on having a special meeting with the lawyers about this case. I'm not sure what that means for the case really. I DO know that the cw WANTS tpr. She told me she wants to go to court with everything she can get, which may mean continuing the case. UGH! But I guess I understand. SO it may be a week or two longer. She also told me that the child prep person has been notified. This is the person who comes in and does a life book with the boys and tries to help them understand what's happening (what tpr and adoption are). This is good news because it's a strong indication that they want and expect tpr to happen. The same lady worked with us when we were preparing to finalize Cory and Tyler. Lol it made me feel good that the cw mentioned that L (the child prep lady) was excited to work with me again.

In everyday news...J was touchy at times but no rages and was mainly his really happy, joyful self. And I got my first ever nice patio set. On sale AND delivered the same day lol. You'd have thought it was Christmas with how excited the boys were lol. They were watching out the window for the delivery truck and "supervised" the unloading.